Wednesday, February 11, 2009

When you are no longer able to take care of yourself...

A month or so back I saw Money is Not Enough II by Jack Neo. At first I thought it was just another silly movie but as the movie progressed I realized it addresses a very important issue for both parents and their children. How do you care for yourself/parents when you/they no longer able to do so. It struck me that it was so so similar to what happened to my maternal grandmother when she was still alive.

The story revolved around 3 brothers and their mother. Their mother initially stayed with the eldest son but as time passed, she became ill and has dimencia. It became difficult to care for her. Later the brothers agreed to take turns take care of her and she started to move around the three children's houses like a nomad. In the movie it showed how hard the poor mother had to fight back tears and emotions and still have her children interest at heart even though they were not sensitive to her needs and occasionally having to bear with the daughthers-in-law. As children, it's also difficult to deal with a parent having dimencia and at the same time having to earn a living and care for the family. It went on to show the selfishness in us human when it comes to money, own interest and time. I believe what goes around comes around.

It was a really touching story that I have somewhat experienced through my grandmother. I knew I will take care of my parents or parents-in-law if ever they need it. It's tough but I think for me, it's the right thing to do. Of course a time will come when taking care of them at home is no longer an option and we will need to seek professional help but as long as I am able to I will do it. I wish my parents are staying with me but it's not possible due to space and also it's a decision that both husband and wife must agree. When you are married, it's more difficult because all decisions must be agreed by both husband and wife.

I remembered the day we had to sent my grandmother to the nursing home and how hard it was to leave her there. The first day was really tough, when it was time for us to go home, she stared at us with a very very sad face as we left the facility. I will never forget that.

Sometimes I felt we as children can be so selfish. Imagine what our parents did to bring us up and all the sacrifices they made and yet in their old age we do not give them similar treament. We prefer to pursue our dreams and leave them alone. I also understand that we need our space and enjoy life. After all life is short. So how? It's so tough right?

Now that I am a mother, I sometimes wonder how Reese is going to be like when he grows up, will he care for us the best he can or not. Hehehehe....

Personally, I wouldn't want to burden my son. He should go and enjoy his life, start a family and be happy as long as he visits me regularly and we are close. When I can no longer take care of myself and need nursing care, I want to go to a nursing home because I know it's very tough on the children having to balance between work, family and caring for their parents. Not to mention having to deal with their spouses if they are not supportive.

You know, recently I met a new friend who actually sold her car, house and some other things so that she could seek professional help to treat her mother. In a short time, she took her mother to over 25 countries to seek treatment for cancer. She told me she spent more than half a million. She used to drive a BMW and now she drives a kancil and doesn't have a permanant place to stay. She has got 3 other siblings and yet she is the only one that went all out to help her mother. Her mother died some 10 months later. Do you think she is a little extreme? I mean spending all her life savings to help her parent? Won't we do the same for our children if they are sick? The answer is yes but will we do the same when it's our parents? Answer is probably not. Why? These are such tough questions to answer right?

***So Reese, if for whatever circumstances you can't take care of me, please send me to a nursing home because I don't want to see you burdened. Just come and visit me often and I know that you love mummy very much. :) If you find me getting mad at you for sending me to the nursing home, please remind me of this blog because son, as mummy grows old, I can't think straight and I want you to be happy and when you are happy I am happy. Oh! If you can afford, please send me to a nice facility ok? :)***


Linda said...

Very touching movie, isn't it? I also blog about this movie months ago. It realy touch the deepest part of our heart. Being a child and a parent.... really tough.

A gift from God said...


Finally! Someone actually comment on this... hehehe...

It's a very touching story indeed. :)