Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Oooos and Wahhhhs..

Oooo... wind blows.....

Wahhh...big santa (fountain)

Wahhh... bees in flower...

Ooooo... lorry....

Does your child uses such expression in their sentences? Reese loves them.... Anything that excites him... he will start saying Oooo or Wahh...follow by a phase... Or at times... he will laugh out loud in a funny way and then express what he saw... really funny...
I wonder when he will learn to say.... Ooooo....I love you mummy.... :)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Reese on Sunday

What is Reese doing?

Hug rocket mummy..

See... my way of hugging the rocket..

I like 'reading'..

Especially pee-a-boo books..

Reading like a pro

Since Reese's phobia..we have been skipping church for awhile... So we went to Time Square yesterday... there was a street basketball competition..lot's of people and loud music..*sigh* Reese is still afraid... but once inside... he ran freely and enjoyed his time there. We went to Borders...one of his favourite hang out really... :) He saw the Tintin display and daddy pointed out that it was a rocket and when Reese realized it... he couldn't get enough of it. He kept hugging the 'rocket' literally and kept saying "Hug rocket" and "Spin around" referring to the Tintin display. It was a good sunday thou I am down with cough and runny nose again since Friday...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Reese on Saturday...

Nothing is more fun than playing with wheels

Dreaming...

A cute face..

A semi dreamy face

Reese's 'house'

Watching Mickey Mouse while drinking milk in his house

Cute?

Down slide...

Chubby cheeks...


Friday, July 25, 2008

How to Cut Children's Hair

This morning, I did a google search and found so many sites dedicated to cutting children's hair! I should have checked before I cut Reese's hair. Anyway... I found these videos pretty good. Check it out. :)

Video 1

Video 2



New Hair Cut by....

Mummy. :)

Reese usually will go for his monthly hair cut at a hair salon.. This time around.. I have decided to cut his hair because my mother has no time to take him to the salon. What do you think? Still need to do some touching up... It took me 3 sessions yesterday to cut his hair! And it didn't look so nice..but presentable. Next time will just go to the hair salon..

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Kisses and Hugs I have none

How often does your child give you kisses and hugs? At what age do they do it?
I always envy mummies that gets lots of kisses and hugs from their kids. My little Reese doesn't do that... is he too young? He is almost two. Maybe he doesn't know what hugs and kisses are? Not true... you see...

Last night... I said to Reese..

Mummy: Reese, give daddy a hug? How do you do that?

Reese: (Looks at daddy and then mummy and smile sheepishly)

Mummy: Reese give mummy a hug?

Reese: (climb closer to mummy then saw milk bottle in mummy's hand) Hug milk milk...

Mummy: ???$)_#$)(@#*$

Daddy and Mummy: (Laugh out loud)

Whenever I ask Reese for a kiss... the most... he will just touch my face with his hand... but when he plays with his soft toys like a bear or doggie... he will kiss them on the mouth.
The only time I can hug him for a long time is when he drinks his milk or when he is watching a program on the computer. I love giving him kisses, smelling him..even his armpits ( gross eh?) hehe..I also love nibbling his earlobes... oh..stroking him, his baby soft skin...and giving him massages... I just love him so much. Hope daddy is not jealous..haha
Talks that make sense....


Reese has been talking alot. He is able to say 4 slylabus phases. He uses alot of verbs and adjectives in his phases. He is able to communicate with us using simple phases. He is also making phases with same verbs but different nouns... He likes to talk... he likes to sing... he likes to talk and demonstrate what he is talking about!

Some of the phases that he says:

leeeff (leaves) fall down / zebra fall down / hippo fall down / ball fall down

up side down / sit down

big lantern/ big leeeff (leaves) / big ant / big santa (fountain)

small ant/ small santa (fountain)

bb(baby) fly/ kite fly / bird fly

inside trailer / inside house / inside igloo / inside pumpkin

outside trailer/ outside igloo

bb cry/ mummy cry

play hide and seek / play drum / beat drum / beat beat hand

go playground / go santa (fountain) / go see santa (fountain)

watch tv, watch aki mouse (mickey mouse)

mum mum (eat) egg / drink milk milk / eat mee mee (noodles)

hug daddy/ hug mummy/ call daddy/ call mummy

find mummy/ find daddy

These are just some of the things that Reese says... many more...can't remember....


Monday, July 21, 2008

Weekend Fun




Playing at McD's playground...

Playing with the water fountain at The Curve. It was windy and Reese loves to get wet

Everyone woke up super early on Saturday and because I was still not well, I canceled all my Saturday classes. We took Reese to McD for breakfast...well we had and he didn't want to eat. Then we went to shop for Birthday present for my mom. Next we took Reese to The Curve to run around and play. We went to Borders to play with his favourite book on wheels and we ended up buying 2 books on wheels and a magnetic book with 20 magnatic pictures.

Then in the evening we went to my mother's birthday party. He had some fun at my mother's karaoke... playing with relatives and his magnetic book. He enjoys taking out the pictures and place it at different parts of the book. Sunday was pretty good too. Maid was left with my parents and we spend Saturday night and Sunday without her. It was actually good. Total privacy...hehe...

In the evening.. my sister and dad were nice enough to babysit my boy so hubby and I went to watch Batmat-The Dark Knight. It was good. Different from the usual comic based movies...how to describe..mmm..it has more seriousness in it..in fighting the Joker.. I like it.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

G6PD Deficiency (and its severe case called Favism)

One of the routine tests that hospitals do on newborns in Malaysia is for G6PD deficiency. Do you know what that is? I didn't have a clue neither does hubby or our families. When Reese was born, we were told that he is G6PD deficient and has to stay at least 5 days in the hospital at the NIKU ward for observation. My first reaction was to cry...I thought Reese had some terrible defect or illness!! The pediatrician assured me that it was just a routine procedure. A requirement by the government and it was quite common in Southeast Asia. In that five days... almost every other day Reese was poked at the toes to get blood for blood test. He had very high jaudice and only after 2 months plus before the jaundice disappeared.

So what is G6PD deficiency?

G6PD Deficiency is a hereditary abnormality in the activity of an erythrocyte (red blood cell) enzyme. This enzyme, glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase (G-6-PD), is essential for assuring a normal life span for red blood cells, and for oxidizing processes. This enzyme deficiency may provoke the sudden destruction of red blood cells and lead to hemolytic anemia with jaundice following the intake of fava beans, certain legumes and various drugs

The defect is sex-linked, transmitted from mother (usually a healthy carrier) to son (or daughter, who would be a healthy carrier too. This is due to the fact that the structure of G-6-PD is carried on the X chromosome: As stated by Ernest Beutler, M.D., "in females, only one of the two X chromosomes in each cell is active; consequently, female heterozygotes for G-6-PD deficiency have two populations of red cells; deficient cells and normal cells."

The deficit is most prevalent in Africa (affecting up to 20% of the population), but is common also around the Mediterranean (4% - 30%) and Southeast Asia. Please note that there are more than 400 genetic variants of the deficiency. You can determine whether you are G-6-PD deficient by a simple blood test. To determine your variant, you must test yourself at specialized genetic labs.

The Symptoms

  • Sudden rise of body temperature and yellow coloring of skin and mucous membrane.
  • Dark yellow-orange urine.
  • Pallor, fatigue, general deterioration of physical conditions.
  • Heavy, fast breathing.
  • Weak, rapid pulse.

Risk

With G-6-PD deficiency you can have a perfectly normal life, provided you avoid certain drugs and foodstuffs. It is therefore of great importance to learn whether you or your baby suffer from the deficiency, so that you can watch your diet and drug intake, and warn your physician or pediatrician.

What to do in case of hemolytic crisis

  1. Upon detecting the symptoms listed above, you should either call your physician or pediatrician, or go directly to the nearest hospital. Avoid the intake of any drugs.
  2. You would most probably be requested to list all foodstuffs and drugs taken in the preceding 48 hours, so try to recall and list them.

What are the chances of passing G6PD to your kids?

A) If the father is unaffected (healthy) and the mother is a carrier (no clinical symptoms):

  • One daughter out of two will be a carrier
  • One son out of two will be G6PD deficient

B) If the father is G6PD deficient and the mother is unaffected:

  • All daughters will be carriers
  • All sons will be unaffected

C) If the father is G6PD deficient and the mother is a carrier:

  • One daughter out of two will be G6PD deficient
  • One daughter out of two will be a carrier
  • One son out of two will be G6PD deficient
  • One son out of two will be unaffected

D) If the father is unaffected and the mother is G6PD deficient:

  • All daughters will be carriers
  • All sons will be G6PD deficient
E) If both father and mother are G6PD deficient:
  • All daughters will be G6PD deficient
  • All sons will be G6PD deficient

How would you call fava beans in other languages?

English: Fava beans, broad beans;
Chinese: Tzan-Doo;
Malay: Kacang Parang

Is there a cure for the condition?

Nope. Just have to avoid certain medication and foodstuff. You can refer to G6PD Deficiency Association for more information on the medication and food stuff to avoid. Before we left the hospital, they gave us a small card that told us some of the things that Reese cannot consume. Besides certain antibiotics and fava beans it also mentioned that he cannot take Chinese herbs and ginger. He cannot touch or even inhale mothballs. After consulting some doctors, there are only certain Chinese herbs that should be avoided and I found this website that describes them. Lew's Info . Apparently ginger can also be taken.

Source: www.g6pd.org

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Shh shh Reese?

Bathroom: Mummy took off Reese's diaper.

Mummy: Reese, shh shh?

Reese:?? (looked down..then at his penis...)

Mummy: Shh shh... there... (pointing at penis) Can you shh shh?

Reese: (Looks at mummy)... then shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... (pee)

Mummy: Clever boy!!! Reese shh shh huh? clever...

Reese: (tried to touch the urine..)

Mummy: No...no...dirty.... but clever Reese...you shh shh.

Reese: Pom pom?? (take shower)

Mummy: No pom pom.... now mummy cleans you up and change.

Reese: POM POM......whine.....

Reese: more shh shh.. (so that he can play in the bathroom...)

Mummy: Sigh!

I think Reese is almost ready to be potty trained!!! This is a hot topic lately huh? hehe.. anyway.. the past two weeks, for 5 times (different days) I took him to the bathroom and took off his diaper and asked him to Shh shh (pee) and he will look at me and then look at his penis and with full concentration...he urinated! At first I thought..maybe it's a coincidence...but this morning... I did that again... and I guess he just urinated in his diaper...so when I ask him to urinate...he looked at me...and then tried...but only a few drops came out..haha... then just for the fun of it... I asked him to urinate again.. and he again tried...and another few drops...hehe... then I asked the 3rd time...wow... you should see his face...really try to squeeze the last bit out...ahha.. very funny... So now I am very sure...he understands me and knows what shh shh is and the best part..he has control over his bladder. Did I mentioned that Reese said "No shh shh..." when I tried to get him to urinate yesterday..haha..

Oh...one problem thou.... he doesn't want the potty... and he only stands and pee and the urine will flow down to his legs too. So I have to wash him each time he pees... Imagine when I start potty training him...gosh... how does your children (boys) pee?

I will start potty training once I use up another 3 packs of diapers and get a few training pants...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

To spank or not to spank? (Discussion)

Dear readers, yesterday I posted 2 articles that were anti-spanking and it was pointed out by a reader that these articles are based on the assumption that spanking is abusive. You can read his comment from the previous post.

As Asians, spanking is a common tool for disciplining and almost all Asians use it. Am I totally against spanking? Well, I understand that there are children who just cannot be disciplined any other ways or children that are smart enough to pretend and get things done their way. 

From personal experience..... witnessing people spanking/beating their children... it's mostly out of anger and at times it was abusive. Spanking done out of anger is wrong. That much is clear.

As a teacher, personal experience shows that spanking is the least effective tool and worse.. it kills self esteem of the child. 

So I am 90% against it. Actually my real concern is the long term effects from spanking. How it effects the child emotionally, relationship with parents and etc.

So readers, share your thoughts on this. Let's have a discussion! Please post your comments and feel free to say whatever you want. No vulgar words thou. :)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

1. HITTING MODELS HITTING

There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy." This mother never spanked another child.Children love to imitate, especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it's okay for them to do whatever you do. Parents, remember, you are bringing up someone else's mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques you employ with your children are the ones they are most likely to carry on in their own parenting. The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle conflicts. Studies show that children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to handle conflicts when they become adults.

Spanking demonstrates that it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.

But, you say, "I don't spank my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I show him lots of love and gentleness. An occasional swat on the bottom won't bother him." This rationalization holds true for some children, but other children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs, especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often.

Physical punishment shows that it's all right to vent your anger or right a wrong by hitting other people. This is why the parent's attitude during the spanking leaves as great an impression as the swat itself. How to control one's angry impulses (swat control) is one of the things you are trying to teach your children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn't occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.

VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL "HITTING"

Physical hitting is not the only way to cross the line into abuse. Everything we say about physical punishment pertains to emotional/verbal punishment as well. Tongue-lashing and name-calling tirades can actually harm a child more psychologically. Emotional abuse can be very subtle and even self-righteous. Threats to coerce a child to cooperate can touch on his worst fear—abandonment. ("I'm leaving if you don't behave.") Often threats of abandonment are implied giving the child the message that you can't stand being with her or a smack of emotional abandonment (by letting her know you are withdrawing your love, refusing to speak to her or saying you don't like her if she continues to displease you). Scars on the mind may last longer than scars on the body.

2. HITTING DEVALUES THE CHILD

The child's self-image begins with how he perceives that others – especially his parents – perceive him Even in the most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child too young to understand the reason for the whack. Parents spend a lot of time building up their baby or child's sense of being valued, helping the child feel "good." Then the child breaks a glass, you spank, and he feels, "I must be bad."

Even a guilt-relieving hug from a parent after a spank doesn't remove the sting. The child is likely to feel the hit, inside and out, long after the hug. Most children put in this situation will hug to ask for mercy. "If I hug him, daddy will stop hitting me." When spanking is repeated over and over, one message is driven home to the child, "You are weak and defenseless."

Joan, a loving mother, sincerely believed that spanking was a parental right and obligation needed to turn out an obedient child. She felt spanking was "for the child's own good." After several months of spank-controlled discipline, her toddler became withdrawn. She would notice him playing alone in the corner, not interested in playmates, and avoiding eye contact with her. He had lost his previous sparkle. Outwardly he was a "good boy." Inwardly, Spencer thought he was a bad boy. He didn't feel right and he didn't act right. Spanking made him feel smaller and weaker, overpowered by people bigger than him.

SLAPPING HANDS

How tempting it is to slap those daring little hands! Many parents do it without thinking, but consider the consequences. Maria Montessori, one of the earliest opponents of slapping children's hands, believed that children's hands are tools for exploring, an extension of the child's natural curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Sensitive parents we have interviewed all agree that the hands should be off-limits for physical punishment. Research supports this idea. Psychologists studied a group of sixteen fourteen-month-olds playing with their mothers. When one group of toddlers tried to grab a forbidden object, they received a slap on the hand; the other group of toddlers did not receive physical punishment. In follow-up studies of these children seven months later, the punished babies were found to be less skilled at exploring their environment. Better to separate the child from the object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt.

3. HITTING DEVALUES THE PARENT

Parents who spank-control or otherwise abusively punish their children often feel devalued themselves because deep down they don't feel right about their way of discipline. Often they spank (or yell) in desperation because they don't know what else to do, but afterward feel more powerless when they find it doesn't work. As one mother who dropped spanking from her correction list put it, "I won the battle, but lost the war. My child now fears me, and I feel I've lost something precious."

Spanking also devalues the role of a parent. Being an authority figure means you are trusted and respected, but not feared. Lasting authority cannot be based on fear. Parents or other caregivers who repeatedly use spanking to control children enter into a lose-lose situation. Not only does the child lose respect for the parent, but the parents also lose out because they develop a spanking mindset and have fewer alternatives to spanking. The parent has fewer preplanned, experience-tested strategies to divert potential behavior, so the child misbehaves more, which calls for more spanking. This child is not being taught to develop inner control.

Hitting devalues the parent-child relationship. Corporal punishment puts a distance between the spanker and the spankee. This distance is especially troubling in home situations where the parent-child relationship may already be strained, such as single-parent homes or blended families. While some children are forgivingly resilient and bounce back without a negative impression on mind or body, for others it's hard to love the hand that hits them.

4. HITTING MAY LEAD TO ABUSE

Punishment escalates. Once you begin punishing a child "a little bit," where do you stop? A toddler reaches for a forbidden glass. You tap the hand as a reminder not to touch. He reaches again, you swat the hand. After withdrawing his hand briefly, he once again grabs grandmother's valuable vase. You hit the hand harder. You've begun a game no one can win. The issue then becomes who's stronger—your child's will or your hand—not the problem of touching the vase. What do you do now? Hit harder and harder until the child's hand is so sore he can't possibly continue to "disobey?" The danger of beginning corporal punishment in the first place is that you may feel you have to bring out bigger guns: your hand becomes a fist, the switch becomes a belt, the folded newspaper becomes a wooden spoon, and now what began as seemingly innocent escalates into child abuse. Punishment sets the stage for child abuse. Parents who are programmed to punish set themselves up for punishing harder, mainly because they have not learned alternatives and click immediately into the punishment mode when their child misbehaves.

5. HITTING DOES NOT IMPROVE BEHAVIOR

Many times we have heard parents say, "The more we spank the more he misbehaves." Spanking makes a child's behavior worse, not better. Here's why. Remember the basis for promoting desirable behavior: The child who feels right acts right. Spanking undermines this principle. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in his behavior. The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels. The cycle continues. We want the child to know that he did wrong, and to feel remorse, but to still believe that he is a person who has value.

The Cycle of Misbehavior

Misbehavior Worse behavior Spanking Decreased self-esteem, anger

One of the goals of disciplinary action is to stop the misbehavior immediately, and spanking may do that. It is more important to create the conviction within the child that he doesn't want to repeat the misbehavior (i.e, internal rather than external control). One of the reasons for the ineffectiveness of spanking in creating internal controls is that during and immediately after the spanking, the child is so preoccupied with the perceived injustice of the physical punishment (or maybe the degree of it he's getting) that he "forgets" the reason for which he was spanked. Sitting down with him and talking after the spanking to be sure he's aware of what he did can be done just as well (if not better) without the spanking part. Alternatives to spanking can be much more thought-and-conscience-provoking for a child, but they may take more time and energy from the parent. This brings up a main reason why some parents lean toward spanking—it's easier.

6. HITTING IS ACTUALLY NOT BIBLICAL

Don't use the Bible as an excuse to spank. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. They take "spare the rod and spoil the child" seriously and fear that if they don't spank, they will commit the sin of losing control of their child. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.

Rod verses - what they really mean. The following are the biblical verses which have caused the greatest confusion:

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. "Rod" (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.). While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." – Psalm 23:4).

Jewish families we've interviewed, who carefully follow dietary and lifestyle guidelines in the Scripture, do not practice "rod correction" with their children because they do not follow that interpretation of the text.

The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority. We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible – parents take charge of your children. When you re-read the "rod verses," use the concept of parental authority when you come to the word "rod," ratherthan the concept of beating or spanking. It rings true in every instance.

While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times. These "rod" verses have been burdened with interpretations about corporal punishment that support human ideas. Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith.

In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. 4:21: "Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?" Paul went on to teach fathers about the importance of not provoking anger in their children (which is what spanking usually does): "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Eph. 6:4), and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

In our opinion, nowhere in the Bible does it say you must spank your child to be a godly parent.

SPARE THE ROD!There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked. Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise?

  • Were you abused as a child?
  • Do you lose control of yourself easily?
  • Are you spanking more, with fewer results?
  • Are you spanking harder?
  • Is spanking not working?
  • Do you have a high-need child? A strong-willed child?
  • Is your child ultrasensitive?
  • Is your relationship with your child already distant?
  • Are there present situations that are making you angry, such as financial or marital difficulties or a recent job loss? Are there factors that are lowering your own self-confidence?

If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives. If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you.

7. HITTING PROMOTES ANGER - IN CHILDREN AND IN PARENTS

Children often perceive punishment as unfair. They are more likely to rebel against corporal punishment than against other disciplinary techniques. Children do not think rationally like adults, but they do have an innate sense of fairness—though their standards are not the same as adults. This can prevent punishment from working as you hoped it would and can contribute to an angry child. Oftentimes, the sense of unfairness escalates to a feeling of humiliation. When punishment humiliates children they either rebel or withdraw. While spanking may appear to make the child afraid to repeat the misbehavior, it is more likely to make the child fear the spanker.

In our experience, and that of many who have thoroughly researched corporal punishment, children whose behaviors are spank-controlled throughout infancy and childhood may appear outwardly compliant, but inside they are seething with anger. They feel that their personhood has been violated, and they detach themselves from a world they perceive has been unfair to them. They find it difficult to trust, becoming insensitive to a world that has been insensitive to them.

Parents who examine their feelings after spanking often realize that all they have accomplished is to relieve themselves of anger. This impulsive release of anger often becomes addicting—perpetuating a cycle of ineffective discipline. We have found that the best way to prevent ourselves from acting on the impulse to spank is to instill in ourselves two convictions: 1. That we will not spank our children. 2. That we will discipline them. Since we have decided that spanking is not an option, we must seek out better alternatives.

8. HITTING BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES
A child's memories of being spanked can scar otherwise joyful scenes of growing up. People are more likely to recall traumatic events than pleasant ones. I grew up in a very nurturing home, but I was occasionally and "deservedly" spanked. I vividly remember the willow branch scenes. After my wrongdoing my grandfather would send me to my room and tell me I was going to receive a spanking. I remember looking out the window, seeing him walk across the lawn and take a willow branch from the tree and come back to my room and spank me across the back of my thighs with the branch. The willow branch seemed to be an effective spanking tool because it stung and made an impression upon me— physically and mentally. Although I remember growing up in a loving home, I don't remember specific happy scenes with nearly as much detail as I remember the spanking scenes. I have always thought that one of our goals as parents is to fill our children's memory bank with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of pleasant scenes. It's amazing how the unpleasant memories of spankings can block out those positive memories.

9.ABUSIVE HITTING HAS BAD LONG-TERM EFFECTS

Research has shown that spanking may leave scars deeper and more lasting than a fleeting redness of the bottom. Here is a summary of the research on the long-term effects of corporal punishment:
  • In a prospective study spanning nineteen years, researchers found that children who were raised in homes with a lot of corporal punishment, turned out to be more antisocial and egocentric, and that physical violence became the accepted norm for these children when they became teenagers and adults.
  • College students showed more psychological disturbances if they grew up in a home with less praise, more scolding, more corporal punishment, and more verbal abuse.
  • A survey of 679 college students showed that those who recall being spanked as children accepted spanking as a way of discipline and intended to spank their own children. Students who were not spanked as children were significantly less accepting of the practice than those who were spanked. The spanked students also reported remembering that their parents were angry during the spanking; they remembered both the spanking and the attitude with which it was administered.
  • Spanking seems to have the most negative long-term effects when it replaces positive communication with the child. Spanking had less damaging long-term effects if given in a loving home and nurturing environment.
  • A study of the effects of physical punishment on children's later aggressive behavior showed that the more frequently a child was given physical punishment, the more likely it was that he would behave aggressively toward other family members and peers. Spanking caused less aggression if it was done in an overall nurturing environment and the child was always given a rational explanation of why the spanking occurred.
  • A study to determine whether hand slapping had any long-term effects showed that toddlers who were punished with a light slap on the hand showed delayed exploratory development seven months later.
  • Adults who received a lot of physical punishment as teenagers had a rate of spouse-beating that was four times greater than those whose parents did not hit them.
  • Husbands who grew up in severely violent homes are six times more likely to beat their wives than men raised in non-violent homes.
  • More than 1 out of 4 parents who had grown up in a violent home were violent enough to risk seriously injuring their child.
  • Studies of prison populations show that most violent criminals grew up in a violent home environment.
  • The life history of notorious, violent criminals, murderers, muggers, rapists, etc., are likely to show a history of excessive physical discipline in childhood.

The evidence against spanking is overwhelming. Hundreds of studies all come to the same conclusions:

1. The more physical punishment a child receives, the more aggressive he or she will become.
2. The more children are spanked, the more likely they will be abusive toward their own children.
3. Spanking plants seeds for later violent behavior.4.Spanking doesn't work.

10. SPANKING DOESN'T WORK

Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Parents who rely on punishment as their primary mode of discipline don't grow in their knowledge of their child. It keeps them from creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child and build a better relationship. In the process of raising our own eight children, we have also concluded that spanking doesn't work. We found ourselves spanking less and less as our experience and the number of children increased. In our home, we have programmed ourselves against spanking and are committed to creating an attitude within our children, and an atmosphere within our home, that renders spanking unnecessary. Since spanking is not an option, we have been forced to come up with better alternatives. This has not only made us better parents, but in the long run we believe it has created more sensitive and well-behaved children.

Source from askdrsears.com

I also find this helpful. It's an article by Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley.

To Spank or Not to Spank?

By Elizabeth Pantley

In my house, my father had a belt hanging on a hook in the kitchen. It was a visible reminder to be good or to be put over his knee. We were all afraid of that belt.

One day, my father couldn’t find the belt. Eventually it was found in the trash can — my little sister, then age six, had decided the garbage would be a better place for it. She was due for a spanking and was trying to avoid it. Once discovered, she knew her spanking would be worse than ever.

When my father put her over his knee, he noticed that her little rear end had been replaced by a large lumpy surface — wadded-up towels in her underpants. Boy, did he get angry! He pulled out the towels, pulled down her pants and proceeded to hit her. I can still remember the welts on her bottom after her bare skin was hit with that belt. I remember thinking, “Yuck!”

As a mother with four children of my own, the memory brings tears to my eyes. The odd thing about this story is that both my sister and I remember the spanking, but neither of us can recall what the behavior was that caused it. We know that our father must have been trying to teach a lesson. The lesson, however, has been lost. The memory of the spanking is all that remains.

A legacy of punishment
Our parents punished us the same way in which they were punished. And their parents punished them the same way that they themselves were punished as children. After all, we learn what we live. We tend to parent the way we were parented.

Somewhere along the line, parents need to stop the pattern. They need to evaluate their child-rearing methods, especially checking for those destructive practices that they may be following simply out of habit. Parents need to research the current data, analyze their current parenting results and continually look for better answers.

Considering spanking
I have four children. They are respectful, responsible, well behaved and just plain great kids. I don’t believe in spanking and have used only positive, loving discipline with them. Parents often ask me whether they should spank their children or not. When looking at the issue of spanking, I urge them to consider the following.

Spanking does nothing to teach a child to develop inner discipline. A child’s focus is on the spanking itself, not on a review of the behavior that led to it. After a spanking, a child does not sit in his room and think, “Gee, I sure goofed. But I really learned something. Next time I’ll behave.” Instead a child is typically thinking, “It’s not fair! She doesn’t understand! I hate her.”

Spanking is seen as punishment for a crime or payment for a debt. In other words, once paid, they have a clean slate. Spanking gets in the way of allowing a child to develop a conscience. The guilt that follows misbehavior is a prime motivator for change. Spanking takes away the guilt, because the crime has been paid for.

Spanking makes the parent feel better. When we get angry, we move into the “fight or flight” mode. Our adrenaline increases, and we have a primitive need to strike out. Hitting releases this negative energy and helps us feel better. But even a minor spanking can escalate into major abuse. Parents have reported that during the heat of the moment, it’s hard to stop hitting, and some say that they don’t even realize how hard they’ve hit until they see the bruise.

Parents who spank sometimes come to rely upon spanking as their primary source of discipline. If you give yourself permission to spank, it becomes a quick fix for all kinds of problems. It blocks off the effective use of other more productive skills.

Spanking gets in the way of a healthy parent-child relationship. Children look up to their parents as protectors, teachers and guides. When a parent breaks that pattern by hitting a child, the relationship suffers.

Spanking is not an effective form of discipline. Hitting a child typically stops a behavior at that point because of shock, fear or pain. But most children turn around and repeat the same behavior – sometimes even the same day! Parents who spank often find themselves spanking a child many times a day – so if spanking “works,” why is this so?

Spanking does teach a lesson. The lesson is: “When you don’t know what else to do, hit!” or “When you’re bigger, you can hit,” or “When you’re really angry, you can get your way by hitting.” It’s common knowledge that children who are frequently hit are more likely to accept the use of violence and are more likely to hit other children. It only makes sense, because after all, children learn what they live. Children who are spanked often have more resentment and anger and lower self-esteem.

What if your child is in danger?
Even with these points in mind, I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger – for instance, if a toddler is running into the street or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times, a few pops on the rear end are okay.

I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does your ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chair lift?

A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit. Children – even little ones – can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule and, over time, learn to make good decisions on their own.

I watched two friends one summer teach their toddlers not to run in the street. Mom A give her toddler a swat on the rear every time he went into the street. Mom B picked up her toddler, looked him in the eye and said, “NO street! Dangerous. Stay by Mommy.” By the end of the summer, both children learned to stay out of the street. Which child understood why? And which child has better communication with his mother?

Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Doctor's Advice

I am down with a sore throat and lost 80% of my voice this morning. I went to see a doctor and also asked her advice about fever and food for young children. Hope this is useful for mummies who are as blur as me. :)

What is considered fever and high fever?
- 37.5c to 38.0c is fever
- anything above 38.0c is high fever.

When to see a doc?
- When fever is high
- When child is not acting normal like vomiting, tired, refuse to eat and drink...etc.
- When child has fever for more than 3 days.

What to give when child is down with fever?
- Paracetamol for fever
- Give child normal food and there is no proof that rice and the like can cause fever. Child needs energy to get well. So go ahead and give them their usual food even if it's ice-cream or some cold drink. It is fine.

There....hope some of you will find this useful... I actually gave Reese cold barley when he had fever...hehe...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Mummy is THE word

The last few days... Reese started to say mummy hands, mummy car, mummy bag, mummy eyes, mummy book.... he calls for me more and it's soooooo nice to hear his sweet voice.... now everything also mummy....mummy... mummy...... mmmm... love it.

At 21 + months he weights 14kgs and probably 88-89cm? (guessing here). Where ever he goes... people tend to think he is at least 2+ or 3 years old. He wears 3 year old clothing and his latest shoe size? Size 9.

He is a big boy indeed.... and I am guilty of comparing him with a 2 to 3 year old kid in most things.. Got to keep reminding myself he is only 21+ months...


Reading before bedtime...

video
Reese sings with mummy...

video

After a few months of singing with Reese.. I finally managed to video Reese singing with me...
This is really funny... Reese singing with me and he ends the song with a very Malaysian expression... Not bad for a 21+ month old toddler right? hehe...


Friday, July 11, 2008

Food crisis

Reese is refusing his usual food again.... what should I do? He doesn't take rice or porridge. That really limits the choices of food that I can cook. I usually make western food for him. It's easy and can be frozen. By the way...I am a WAHM. Food he usually takes:

Fish pasta (cream sauce/tomato sauce)
soup noodles with egg, chicken and cabbage
Creamy mushroom soup with fish,potatoes, broccoli and carrots.
Bread with peanut butter.
Different types of fruits
Breakfast cereal with milk
Biscuits
Yogurt

Now he is acting up and has been consistently rejecting his food. Luckily he still love his fruits! I really don't know what to cook any more. He loves outside food. I only allow outside food on a weekend.

He likes KFC chicken and mash potatoes, fish chowder or any creamy soup, fish and chips, chicken fingers, maccoroni and cheese and fried noodles.

I actually tried a few recipes on the net that claims to be KFC mash potatoes... but Reese didn't like it. I tried peanut butter marinated chicken... it's yummy..but Reese didn't like it either. I give up for now... It's so tiring trying to figure out what to cook for him... I have to work and thus...don't have the luxury of time to prepare elaborate stuff and I don't trust my maid to cook for him. :( He still doesn't have enough teeth to chew meaty stuff. Ggggrrr.... going crazy...

These days... when he doesn't want his usual food, I just let it be and give him milk, fruits and biscuits. I can see that he is losing some weight.... being super active also contributed to that. He is always running and jumping.
What to do mummies?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Down with Fever

Reese is down with fever since Monday. Highest recorded temperature was 38.4 c. Fever comes and go and he didn't eat much. Today is the 3rd day. Could it be due to teething? Should I take him to the doc? Been giving him paracetamol and he is still his usual self, running all over the house and playing. Hubby took leave to babysit him today. My mom kept asking me to take him to the doc but I felt it's not necessary unless it's really high fever. Reese's highest was 38.4c and that also lasted for a short time...and the fever will go down to about 37.6c or so. He was still his usual self. I will wait till later today before taking him to the doc. Mummies...what do you do when your child has fever? Do you immediately take your child to the doc?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Catch the Moon

Thanks to mumsgather's recommendation on Totlol.com. Reese and I found a music video clip that we both love very much. I think it's just sooo sweet. Simple melody coupled with simple graphics...

This was by Lisa Loeb & Elizabeth Mitchell - Catch The Moon. To me...it's more for little girls.. but somehow Reese loves it. Maybe because of the pretty girls?

Reese will ask for 'catch moon'..and when he sees the moon... he will exclaim catch a moon.... gitar (guitar).....

Everytime I sing the song to him... he will drag me to the computer to show him the video clip..hehe


WL program (end of 4th week)

Sorry...delayed post. I was down with a cold since last Thursday and didn't exercise till yesterday... :) Food intake...well.. took fish and chips, KFC, pizza, satay and noodles. Yeah... fattening food but under control. Started to exercise again today. Did 27 minutes on the bike. Tired.... will do better tomorrow.

The good news is... on Sunday when I stood on the scale.... in total... I lost 3kgs in 4 weeks. Not bad huh? I am on track.... so since I was sick, I kinda relax a little...haha...

Anyway... for the next 3 weeks plus... I hope to lose 3 kgs again. Got to work really hard....

Monday, July 07, 2008

Quality time & Quantity time

Of late... I have been thinking about this; the amount of time hubby and I spend with Reese. How much of it is actually quality time? There is a big difference between quality time and quantity time. Quality time translates into comunicating and bonding with your child. I am happy that 90% of the time we actually spent quality time with him. :)

I know of parents who considered watching TV passively with their kids or watching the kids play without participating as quality time spent with them. Mmmm... sad to say...alot of parents think the same. There are many ambitious parents out there busy making money and who think that money can be the key to their children's success.... hai....

As a working parent, I understand the stress and pressure and time constraint we face all the time because of it...we have many excuses to justify why we do not have time to spend with our children.

To me, unless you don't have enough to eat and take care of basic necessities, maybe working a little less and spending a little bit more time with your child is the best decision to make. Oh...and it shouldn't be one sided..meaning both parents should be doing it together whenever possible or at least there should be a balance. Our children is our investment. It's not so much of monetery investment but emotionally, spritually as well as physically. Darn... hope you understand what I am saying...haha...

We have to spontaneous with our life!!

Movie, shopping and a fall

On Saturday we (hubby and I) managed to catch 'Wanted' and did a little shopping. We bought Reese a pair of swim shorts from GAP (30% off). Really cute. Then in the evening, we took Reese to The Curve... let him play at the indoor playground. We had KFC for dinner. ELC is having a sale and we bought Reese the Extreme marble play.

Ah... yesterday took Reese to the park and while playing on the playground...he missed a step and fell off a 1 meter plus high platform. No serious injuries just some scratches and 30 seconds of crying. Phew... my heart just jump out of me when he fell. He was ok..he is a tough kid...hehe...daddy even wanted to blacklist the park..haha.. he was just hurt because his son was hurt....hehe... Very precious. Later we chase after birds and pigeons and Reese was a happy boy again.


In the evening, we went to 1Utama hoping to find a pair of shoes for daddy and instead we found a nice pair of shoes for Reese. We have been hunting for a pair of sneakers for Reese for a long time and always can't find the right one. Reese has big and broad feet. The best part is...this pair of shoes can be machine wash! :) It's a new range (Little sensory motion peanut) from Nike. We had fish and chips for dinner.



Extreme marble set from ELC
Sneakers (we bought the yellow one)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Reese in action

video

Remember I told you that Reese claps like a person who really appreciates music? Check out this video and watch the way he claps to the rhythm of the music...hehe

Friday, July 04, 2008

TV programmes

Do you allow your kids to watch any TV programmes (kids programmes) they like? Or you will pre select the ones they can watch?

Reese still not much of a TV addict. He only likes Barney, Sesame Street and lately Mickey Mouse. Usually during the weekends, if possible we won't let him watch TV. At my parents, he will watch TV before nap time and during meals. By the way...we do not have the Astro kids' channels.

And yesterday my mom told me he enjoys Ultraman!! Gosh...I hate Ultraman.... and I really don't want Reese to like it. First of all, it's ugly and it promotes a bit of violence... I hope Reese won't grow up playing swords and guns...well...ok...I am being unrealistic here... haha... Nah... he can jolly well play anything he likes...but I just hate Ultraman.... and I know of parents who won't let their kids watch a certain programmes because they don't like them! I use to tell them...let them explore....but hey... see what became of me? I am doing the same!

**I try to let Reese explore what he likes...but I will make sure the programmes are suitable for his age and there are things to learn from them.
I am Mummy....Yes.....

Reese finally calls me Mummy!!!! Thanks to Daddy Reese for being persistent in teaching Reese to say mummy...

Yesterday he called me Mummy and no more Ah mee... Need to get used to it....I am so used to hearing Ah mee. Hehe....

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Me, Music and My Sexy Body....

                                    Am I handsome?

                               See my muscular legs?

                  Trying to turn on my current favorite cartoon Mickey Mouse

                                     Check out my butt...

                               Playing daddy's electric guitar

                                         Playing my drums

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Latest Picture of Mr. Reese Matthew



Reese has been feeding himself little snacks and once in a while.. he will use the fork if given a chance. He hates his stroller. One of the pictures below... you can see him sulking in his stroller. He loves playing at Toys R us and also those little kiddy rides. Going out to eat or shopping is a challenge.