How to discipline children my way.....

First thing to remember... Children below the age of 4... they are totally innocent!

At this age...they are filled with curiosity, creativity, loads of energy.....the list goes on...in short..it's their right to explore everything around them, It's not their fault if they create a tornado in your house! It's their right.... they are learning.... it's from the mess they learn about the different texture of things, be it wet or dry, silky or rubbery... the various music and sound things create when thrown on the floor, consequences of pain, cold, hot..... you know what I mean?

We want the best for your kids, we want them to be safe and thus...more than 85% of the time... we will tell them NO. We are so afraid that they might hurt themselves, they will catch a cold, they will get sick......the list goes on and on.... but if you think about it... a lot of it..it's unnecessary worrying. We are limiting their ever expanding world. We are confining them to our little perfect world. We always think that they are not ready for this and that...

Look at how our ancestors brought up their children? Hygiene is at the minimal, play time is at the maximum! Children those days had probably 1 or no jabs from the pediatrician and definitely hardly any visit to the doctor's clinic and yet they have better immunity!(partly blame the food and environment) Half the time the kids will play half naked in and out of the house and yet they are ok... there is a saying in Hokkien. 'La sum jiak, La sum tuah'. Direct translation: eat dirty, grow up dirty.... eerrr.. did I get the saying wrong? not surelah... hahaha... Have to ask my aunt.... anyone can help? ahaha..so embarrassing...

Anyway... What I am trying to say is...we should be more relax... but of course..we also have to keep an eye on our kids...and there should be a certain limit to everything... Over the years, I have learned that being SUPER PATIENT is really the key to discipling children. So how do I do it?

Easy...be their friend and treat them like one. Always explain to them why certain actions are wrong and the consequences of doing them... it doesn't always work..but believe it or not... it's the foundation. Next I always ask them, If I did the same actions to you... how would you feel? Or tell them how you feel about certain actions, how it hurts you..... You think it's too deep for the kids? nah... they are smarter than you... ;) ok...maybe sometimes they don't but hey... it works in the long run. It teaches them to think of others! Oh...always give them some time to ponder about the above...leave them for a few minutes. It gives you some time to compose yourself and to be calm again.

Then... for repeated offenses, there must be some form of punishment... like taking away their favorite toy, no TV, stand at a corner, go to your room and the likes... make sure they know you mean business! Else they will manipulate you! You have to be firm when it comes to punishment. If they whine or sulk and throw tantrum... you just calmly tell them why a certain punishment.. and then leave them for a while to think about it! Do it often enough...they will seriously think twice before doing something again. Of course...there are children who will have no fear or they rather not have a certain thing and will continue to repeat those offenses... again..we just have to persevere and control our anger. ONE DAY.... the child will learn... :)

Oh...but always tell them you love them very much. At the end of the punishment... always hug them and give them alot of kisses!

Scolding is fine as long as you don't belittle the child. No verbal abuses.
Spanking, mmmm... if possible don't do it but if you must...make sure it's only on a certain parts of the body. Never slap a child... that is very humiliating.

As for children older than 4 , mmmm... more or less the same concept but with even more patience and determination! And reverse psychology comes into play even more. I used to teach some kids who were very spoilt and naughty. Their parents will totally surrender to them! These kids were very manipulative. They know who to bully, they have changed countless of tutors and only the fierces tutors survived. So when I came along... the parents warn me about them and gave me the green light to use the cane whenever necessary. Wow! These were my first students and they were with me for nearly 10 years! and I never need to use the cane when others have to. They were so used to caning that they will never shed a tear and yet... when I reason with them and scold them once in a while... you can see tears flooding their eyes! The power of reasoning is fantastic. The best thing was... they respect you.

So always make sure that your children respect you! Try not to break promises and be firm when you say no and when you punish them. Don't ever do it half heartedly. Don't let them see your weakness..else they will again manipulate you... these little ones... oh boy..they are real smart. ;)

Again exercise patience and persevere!

For teens... this is the most difficult... you need extreme (infinite at times) patience and determination! Haha... I think children at this stage is the most difficult.. you have to be their 'cool' friend and a parent at the same time... not easy... discipling them... at times it is almost r impossible... but remember.. be a role model and never contradict yourself or be a hypocrite else they will use it against you big time! Make sure when you carry out any form of punishment.. it is properly explained to them so that they understand it. Never punish them when you are angry. Talk to them about their actions and then give them and yourself some time to think about it before you punish. Kids at this age are extremely rebellious. Ah.... it's just tough but can be done... again...give them a lot of love and assurance.

Hai.... I hope I am able to do all these with Reese... so far so good... never beaten him and never really scolded him before...

So mummies... work on it...PATIENT PATIENT PATIENT.....