Discipline and doing it right..

I come from a typical Chinese family where occasionally I get spanked (up to 6 years old) or severe scolding (till teens) from my parents and extended family members. Oh...once my aunt who was very sick got so upset with me that she went to the kitchen and took a chopper (no joke) and cornered me, raised it up in front of me and threatened to chop me up if I don't immediately shut up and stop crying! I never forget that... can't remember how old I was..probably around 5?

I guess I was quite lucky as compared to my cousins (maternal). They were lashed with belts, spanked, slapped, verbal abuse and severe scolding. My uncles love their children but I personally felt that their approach in disciplining their kids... may be a little wrong and too much. Even my mom was quite violent at times..haha.. anyway... they all meant well but sometimes.. they are also doing it out of anger (which we kids cannot understand) and that became something very personal.

I sometimes wonder why our ancestors use these methods. I don't know..but my impression is that we Chinese are always using force to discipline the young. I remembered those days when my aunties and my mom would describe the kind of abuse my maternal grandmother used inflict on one of my deceased uncle. Kneel on shells, uses the chopstick to twist his fingers and even using chilies as a mean of punishment...I can't remember whether he was forced to eat it or kneel on it....violent huh? but to me... my grandmother is someone I love dearly...

There are severe consequences when force is used. Children who are discipline with force will end up more unstable emotionally, more defiant, low self esteem, rebellious and probably will use the same method on their children.

Many a time when I go shopping, I will see parents openly scold or spank their children. One thing I hate... slapping a kid on the face! I felt so bad for these kids. How I wish I can educate these parents....not that I am perfect..but at least they should be taught the right way....

I do not believe in beating or verbal abuse as a form of discipline or punishment. It doesn't really work. Even if it does, it's only short term.

I just don't understand how a parent can hit their own flesh and blood... I can't.

Ah....so lazy to continue...next post..will talk about my way of disciplining children..and it works for the last 12 years... even the most difficult children I was able to discipline them in a positive way!

Mummies... I know... you may think that... I am a little bias here..but hey... seriously... even the most terrible kid... there is a better way to get to them! What we need is a lot of patience and determination and most of all.... we need to learn to control our anger.