To spank or not to spank? (Discussion)

Dear readers, yesterday I posted 2 articles that were anti-spanking and it was pointed out by a reader that these articles are based on the assumption that spanking is abusive. You can read his comment from the previous post.

As Asians, spanking is a common tool for disciplining and almost all Asians use it. Am I totally against spanking? Well, I understand that there are children who just cannot be disciplined any other ways or children that are smart enough to pretend and get things done their way. 

From personal experience..... witnessing people spanking/beating their children... it's mostly out of anger and at times it was abusive. Spanking done out of anger is wrong. That much is clear.

As a teacher, personal experience shows that spanking is the least effective tool and worse.. it kills self esteem of the child. 

So I am 90% against it. Actually my real concern is the long term effects from spanking. How it effects the child emotionally, relationship with parents and etc.

So readers, share your thoughts on this. Let's have a discussion! Please post your comments and feel free to say whatever you want. No vulgar words thou. :)

10 REASONS NOT TO HIT YOUR CHILD

Recently mummy blogger Christine found an article about spanking and she was encouraged by it. I have been doing some research and the general opinion is that spanking cost more harm then good and there is a great debate of whether spanking is biblical or not. It's all about interpretation really and I personally don't agree that God want us to spank to discipline. Below is an article taken from Dr Sear's website and it also mentioned about the biblical aspect of using the 'rod'.

1. HITTING MODELS HITTING

There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy." This mother never spanked another child.Children love to imitate, especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it's okay for them to do whatever you do. Parents, remember, you are bringing up someone else's mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques you employ with your children are the ones they are most likely to carry on in their own parenting. The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle conflicts. Studies show that children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to handle conflicts when they become adults.

Spanking demonstrates that it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.

But, you say, "I don't spank my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I show him lots of love and gentleness. An occasional swat on the bottom won't bother him." This rationalization holds true for some children, but other children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs, especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often.

Physical punishment shows that it's all right to vent your anger or right a wrong by hitting other people. This is why the parent's attitude during the spanking leaves as great an impression as the swat itself. How to control one's angry impulses (swat control) is one of the things you are trying to teach your children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn't occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.

VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL "HITTING"

Physical hitting is not the only way to cross the line into abuse. Everything we say about physical punishment pertains to emotional/verbal punishment as well. Tongue-lashing and name-calling tirades can actually harm a child more psychologically. Emotional abuse can be very subtle and even self-righteous. Threats to coerce a child to cooperate can touch on his worst fear—abandonment. ("I'm leaving if you don't behave.") Often threats of abandonment are implied giving the child the message that you can't stand being with her or a smack of emotional abandonment (by letting her know you are withdrawing your love, refusing to speak to her or saying you don't like her if she continues to displease you). Scars on the mind may last longer than scars on the body.

2. HITTING DEVALUES THE CHILD

The child's self-image begins with how he perceives that others – especially his parents – perceive him Even in the most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child too young to understand the reason for the whack. Parents spend a lot of time building up their baby or child's sense of being valued, helping the child feel "good." Then the child breaks a glass, you spank, and he feels, "I must be bad."

Even a guilt-relieving hug from a parent after a spank doesn't remove the sting. The child is likely to feel the hit, inside and out, long after the hug. Most children put in this situation will hug to ask for mercy. "If I hug him, daddy will stop hitting me." When spanking is repeated over and over, one message is driven home to the child, "You are weak and defenseless."

Joan, a loving mother, sincerely believed that spanking was a parental right and obligation needed to turn out an obedient child. She felt spanking was "for the child's own good." After several months of spank-controlled discipline, her toddler became withdrawn. She would notice him playing alone in the corner, not interested in playmates, and avoiding eye contact with her. He had lost his previous sparkle. Outwardly he was a "good boy." Inwardly, Spencer thought he was a bad boy. He didn't feel right and he didn't act right. Spanking made him feel smaller and weaker, overpowered by people bigger than him.

SLAPPING HANDS

How tempting it is to slap those daring little hands! Many parents do it without thinking, but consider the consequences. Maria Montessori, one of the earliest opponents of slapping children's hands, believed that children's hands are tools for exploring, an extension of the child's natural curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Sensitive parents we have interviewed all agree that the hands should be off-limits for physical punishment. Research supports this idea. Psychologists studied a group of sixteen fourteen-month-olds playing with their mothers. When one group of toddlers tried to grab a forbidden object, they received a slap on the hand; the other group of toddlers did not receive physical punishment. In follow-up studies of these children seven months later, the punished babies were found to be less skilled at exploring their environment. Better to separate the child from the object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt.

3. HITTING DEVALUES THE PARENT

Parents who spank-control or otherwise abusively punish their children often feel devalued themselves because deep down they don't feel right about their way of discipline. Often they spank (or yell) in desperation because they don't know what else to do, but afterward feel more powerless when they find it doesn't work. As one mother who dropped spanking from her correction list put it, "I won the battle, but lost the war. My child now fears me, and I feel I've lost something precious."

Spanking also devalues the role of a parent. Being an authority figure means you are trusted and respected, but not feared. Lasting authority cannot be based on fear. Parents or other caregivers who repeatedly use spanking to control children enter into a lose-lose situation. Not only does the child lose respect for the parent, but the parents also lose out because they develop a spanking mindset and have fewer alternatives to spanking. The parent has fewer preplanned, experience-tested strategies to divert potential behavior, so the child misbehaves more, which calls for more spanking. This child is not being taught to develop inner control.

Hitting devalues the parent-child relationship. Corporal punishment puts a distance between the spanker and the spankee. This distance is especially troubling in home situations where the parent-child relationship may already be strained, such as single-parent homes or blended families. While some children are forgivingly resilient and bounce back without a negative impression on mind or body, for others it's hard to love the hand that hits them.

4. HITTING MAY LEAD TO ABUSE

Punishment escalates. Once you begin punishing a child "a little bit," where do you stop? A toddler reaches for a forbidden glass. You tap the hand as a reminder not to touch. He reaches again, you swat the hand. After withdrawing his hand briefly, he once again grabs grandmother's valuable vase. You hit the hand harder. You've begun a game no one can win. The issue then becomes who's stronger—your child's will or your hand—not the problem of touching the vase. What do you do now? Hit harder and harder until the child's hand is so sore he can't possibly continue to "disobey?" The danger of beginning corporal punishment in the first place is that you may feel you have to bring out bigger guns: your hand becomes a fist, the switch becomes a belt, the folded newspaper becomes a wooden spoon, and now what began as seemingly innocent escalates into child abuse. Punishment sets the stage for child abuse. Parents who are programmed to punish set themselves up for punishing harder, mainly because they have not learned alternatives and click immediately into the punishment mode when their child misbehaves.

5. HITTING DOES NOT IMPROVE BEHAVIOR

Many times we have heard parents say, "The more we spank the more he misbehaves." Spanking makes a child's behavior worse, not better. Here's why. Remember the basis for promoting desirable behavior: The child who feels right acts right. Spanking undermines this principle. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in his behavior. The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels. The cycle continues. We want the child to know that he did wrong, and to feel remorse, but to still believe that he is a person who has value.

The Cycle of Misbehavior

Misbehavior Worse behavior Spanking Decreased self-esteem, anger

One of the goals of disciplinary action is to stop the misbehavior immediately, and spanking may do that. It is more important to create the conviction within the child that he doesn't want to repeat the misbehavior (i.e, internal rather than external control). One of the reasons for the ineffectiveness of spanking in creating internal controls is that during and immediately after the spanking, the child is so preoccupied with the perceived injustice of the physical punishment (or maybe the degree of it he's getting) that he "forgets" the reason for which he was spanked. Sitting down with him and talking after the spanking to be sure he's aware of what he did can be done just as well (if not better) without the spanking part. Alternatives to spanking can be much more thought-and-conscience-provoking for a child, but they may take more time and energy from the parent. This brings up a main reason why some parents lean toward spanking—it's easier.

6. HITTING IS ACTUALLY NOT BIBLICAL

Don't use the Bible as an excuse to spank. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. They take "spare the rod and spoil the child" seriously and fear that if they don't spank, they will commit the sin of losing control of their child. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.

Rod verses - what they really mean. The following are the biblical verses which have caused the greatest confusion:

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. "Rod" (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.). While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." – Psalm 23:4).

Jewish families we've interviewed, who carefully follow dietary and lifestyle guidelines in the Scripture, do not practice "rod correction" with their children because they do not follow that interpretation of the text.

The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority. We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible – parents take charge of your children. When you re-read the "rod verses," use the concept of parental authority when you come to the word "rod," ratherthan the concept of beating or spanking. It rings true in every instance.

While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times. These "rod" verses have been burdened with interpretations about corporal punishment that support human ideas. Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith.

In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. 4:21: "Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?" Paul went on to teach fathers about the importance of not provoking anger in their children (which is what spanking usually does): "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Eph. 6:4), and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

In our opinion, nowhere in the Bible does it say you must spank your child to be a godly parent.

SPARE THE ROD!There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked. Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise?

• Were you abused as a child?
• Do you lose control of yourself easily?
• Are you spanking more, with fewer results?
• Are you spanking harder?
• Is spanking not working?
• Do you have a high-need child? A strong-willed child?
• Is your child ultrasensitive?
• Is your relationship with your child already distant?
• Are there present situations that are making you angry, such as financial or marital difficulties or a recent job loss? Are there factors that are lowering your own self-confidence?

If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives. If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you.

7. HITTING PROMOTES ANGER - IN CHILDREN AND IN PARENTS

Children often perceive punishment as unfair. They are more likely to rebel against corporal punishment than against other disciplinary techniques. Children do not think rationally like adults, but they do have an innate sense of fairness—though their standards are not the same as adults. This can prevent punishment from working as you hoped it would and can contribute to an angry child. Oftentimes, the sense of unfairness escalates to a feeling of humiliation. When punishment humiliates children they either rebel or withdraw. While spanking may appear to make the child afraid to repeat the misbehavior, it is more likely to make the child fear the spanker.

In our experience, and that of many who have thoroughly researched corporal punishment, children whose behaviors are spank-controlled throughout infancy and childhood may appear outwardly compliant, but inside they are seething with anger. They feel that their personhood has been violated, and they detach themselves from a world they perceive has been unfair to them. They find it difficult to trust, becoming insensitive to a world that has been insensitive to them.

Parents who examine their feelings after spanking often realize that all they have accomplished is to relieve themselves of anger. This impulsive release of anger often becomes addicting—perpetuating a cycle of ineffective discipline. We have found that the best way to prevent ourselves from acting on the impulse to spank is to instill in ourselves two convictions: 1. That we will not spank our children. 2. That we will discipline them. Since we have decided that spanking is not an option, we must seek out better alternatives.

8. HITTING BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES

A child's memories of being spanked can scar otherwise joyful scenes of growing up. People are more likely to recall traumatic events than pleasant ones. I grew up in a very nurturing home, but I was occasionally and "deservedly" spanked. I vividly remember the willow branch scenes. After my wrongdoing my grandfather would send me to my room and tell me I was going to receive a spanking. I remember looking out the window, seeing him walk across the lawn and take a willow branch from the tree and come back to my room and spank me across the back of my thighs with the branch. The willow branch seemed to be an effective spanking tool because it stung and made an impression upon me— physically and mentally. Although I remember growing up in a loving home, I don't remember specific happy scenes with nearly as much detail as I remember the spanking scenes. I have always thought that one of our goals as parents is to fill our children's memory bank with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of pleasant scenes. It's amazing how the unpleasant memories of spankings can block out those positive memories.

9.ABUSIVE HITTING HAS BAD LONG-TERM EFFECTS

Research has shown that spanking may leave scars deeper and more lasting than a fleeting redness of the bottom. Here is a summary of the research on the long-term effects of corporal punishment:

• In a prospective study spanning nineteen years, researchers found that children who were raised in homes with a lot of corporal punishment, turned out to be more antisocial and egocentric, and that physical violence became the accepted norm for these children when they became teenagers and adults.
• College students showed more psychological disturbances if they grew up in a home with less praise, more scolding, more corporal punishment, and more verbal abuse.
• A survey of 679 college students showed that those who recall being spanked as children accepted spanking as a way of discipline and intended to spank their own children. Students who were not spanked as children were significantly less accepting of the practice than those who were spanked. The spanked students also reported remembering that their parents were angry during the spanking; they remembered both the spanking and the attitude with which it was administered.
• Spanking seems to have the most negative long-term effects when it replaces positive communication with the child. Spanking had less damaging long-term effects if given in a loving home and nurturing environment.
• A study of the effects of physical punishment on children's later aggressive behavior showed that the more frequently a child was given physical punishment, the more likely it was that he would behave aggressively toward other family members and peers. Spanking caused less aggression if it was done in an overall nurturing environment and the child was always given a rational explanation of why the spanking occurred.
• A study to determine whether hand slapping had any long-term effects showed that toddlers who were punished with a light slap on the hand showed delayed exploratory development seven months later.
• Adults who received a lot of physical punishment as teenagers had a rate of spouse-beating that was four times greater than those whose parents did not hit them.
• Husbands who grew up in severely violent homes are six times more likely to beat their wives than men raised in non-violent homes.
• More than 1 out of 4 parents who had grown up in a violent home were violent enough to risk seriously injuring their child.
• Studies of prison populations show that most violent criminals grew up in a violent home environment.
• The life history of notorious, violent criminals, murderers, muggers, rapists, etc., are likely to show a history of excessive physical discipline in childhood.

The evidence against spanking is overwhelming. Hundreds of studies all come to the same conclusions:

1. The more physical punishment a child receives, the more aggressive he or she will become.
2. The more children are spanked, the more likely they will be abusive toward their own children.
3. Spanking plants seeds for later violent behavior.4.Spanking doesn't work.

10. SPANKING DOESN'T WORK

Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Parents who rely on punishment as their primary mode of discipline don't grow in their knowledge of their child. It keeps them from creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child and build a better relationship. In the process of raising our own eight children, we have also concluded that spanking doesn't work. We found ourselves spanking less and less as our experience and the number of children increased. In our home, we have programmed ourselves against spanking and are committed to creating an attitude within our children, and an atmosphere within our home, that renders spanking unnecessary. Since spanking is not an option, we have been forced to come up with better alternatives. This has not only made us better parents, but in the long run we believe it has created more sensitive and well-behaved children.

Source from askdrsears.com

I also find this helpful. It's an article by Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley.

To Spank or Not to Spank?

By Elizabeth Pantley

In my house, my father had a belt hanging on a hook in the kitchen. It was a visible reminder to be good or to be put over his knee. We were all afraid of that belt.

One day, my father couldn’t find the belt. Eventually it was found in the trash can — my little sister, then age six, had decided the garbage would be a better place for it. She was due for a spanking and was trying to avoid it. Once discovered, she knew her spanking would be worse than ever.

When my father put her over his knee, he noticed that her little rear end had been replaced by a large lumpy surface — wadded-up towels in her underpants. Boy, did he get angry! He pulled out the towels, pulled down her pants and proceeded to hit her. I can still remember the welts on her bottom after her bare skin was hit with that belt. I remember thinking, “Yuck!”

As a mother with four children of my own, the memory brings tears to my eyes. The odd thing about this story is that both my sister and I remember the spanking, but neither of us can recall what the behavior was that caused it. We know that our father must have been trying to teach a lesson. The lesson, however, has been lost. The memory of the spanking is all that remains.

A legacy of punishment
Our parents punished us the same way in which they were punished. And their parents punished them the same way that they themselves were punished as children. After all, we learn what we live. We tend to parent the way we were parented.

Somewhere along the line, parents need to stop the pattern. They need to evaluate their child-rearing methods, especially checking for those destructive practices that they may be following simply out of habit. Parents need to research the current data, analyze their current parenting results and continually look for better answers.

Considering spanking
I have four children. They are respectful, responsible, well behaved and just plain great kids. I don’t believe in spanking and have used only positive, loving discipline with them. Parents often ask me whether they should spank their children or not. When looking at the issue of spanking, I urge them to consider the following.

Spanking does nothing to teach a child to develop inner discipline. A child’s focus is on the spanking itself, not on a review of the behavior that led to it. After a spanking, a child does not sit in his room and think, “Gee, I sure goofed. But I really learned something. Next time I’ll behave.” Instead a child is typically thinking, “It’s not fair! She doesn’t understand! I hate her.”

Spanking is seen as punishment for a crime or payment for a debt. In other words, once paid, they have a clean slate. Spanking gets in the way of allowing a child to develop a conscience. The guilt that follows misbehavior is a prime motivator for change. Spanking takes away the guilt, because the crime has been paid for.

Spanking makes the parent feel better. When we get angry, we move into the “fight or flight” mode. Our adrenaline increases, and we have a primitive need to strike out. Hitting releases this negative energy and helps us feel better. But even a minor spanking can escalate into major abuse. Parents have reported that during the heat of the moment, it’s hard to stop hitting, and some say that they don’t even realize how hard they’ve hit until they see the bruise.

Parents who spank sometimes come to rely upon spanking as their primary source of discipline. If you give yourself permission to spank, it becomes a quick fix for all kinds of problems. It blocks off the effective use of other more productive skills.

Spanking gets in the way of a healthy parent-child relationship. Children look up to their parents as protectors, teachers and guides. When a parent breaks that pattern by hitting a child, the relationship suffers.

Spanking is not an effective form of discipline. Hitting a child typically stops a behavior at that point because of shock, fear or pain. But most children turn around and repeat the same behavior – sometimes even the same day! Parents who spank often find themselves spanking a child many times a day – so if spanking “works,” why is this so?

Spanking does teach a lesson. The lesson is: “When you don’t know what else to do, hit!” or “When you’re bigger, you can hit,” or “When you’re really angry, you can get your way by hitting.” It’s common knowledge that children who are frequently hit are more likely to accept the use of violence and are more likely to hit other children. It only makes sense, because after all, children learn what they live. Children who are spanked often have more resentment and anger and lower self-esteem.

What if your child is in danger?
Even with these points in mind, I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger – for instance, if a toddler is running into the street or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times, a few pops on the rear end are okay.

I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does your ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chair lift?

A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit. Children – even little ones – can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule and, over time, learn to make good decisions on their own.

I watched two friends one summer teach their toddlers not to run in the street. Mom A give her toddler a swat on the rear every time he went into the street. Mom B picked up her toddler, looked him in the eye and said, “NO street! Dangerous. Stay by Mommy.” By the end of the summer, both children learned to stay out of the street. Which child understood why? And which child has better communication with his mother?

Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children.

Doctor's Advice

I am down with a sore throat and lost 80% of my voice this morning. I went to see a doctor and also asked her advice about fever and food for young children. Hope this is useful for mummies who are as blur as me. :)

What is considered fever and high fever?
- 37.5c to 38.0c is fever
- anything above 38.0c is high fever.

When to see a doc?
- When fever is high
- When child is not acting normal like vomiting, tired, refuse to eat and drink...etc.
- When child has fever for more than 3 days.

What to give when child is down with fever?
- Paracetamol for fever
- Give child normal food and there is no proof that rice and the like can cause fever. Child needs energy to get well. So go ahead and give them their usual food even if it's ice-cream or some cold drink. It is fine.

There....hope some of you will find this useful... I actually gave Reese cold barley when he had fever...hehe...

Mummy is THE word

The last few days... Reese started to say mummy hands, mummy car, mummy bag, mummy eyes, mummy book.... he calls for me more and it's soooooo nice to hear his sweet voice.... now everything also mummy....mummy... mummy...... mmmm... love it.

At 21 + months he weights 14kgs and probably 88-89cm? (guessing here). Where ever he goes... people tend to think he is at least 2+ or 3 years old. He wears 3 year old clothing and his latest shoe size? Size 9.

He is a big boy indeed.... and I am guilty of comparing him with a 2 to 3 year old kid in most things.. Got to keep reminding myself he is only 21+ months...

Reading before bedtime...

Reese sings with mummy...

After a few months of singing with Reese.. I finally managed to video Reese singing with me...
This is really funny... Reese singing with me and he ends the song with a very Malaysian expression... Not bad for a 21+ month old toddler right? hehe...

Food crisis

Reese is refusing his usual food again.... what should I do? He doesn't take rice or porridge. That really limits the choices of food that I can cook. I usually make western food for him. It's easy and can be frozen. By the way...I am a WAHM. Food he usually takes:

Fish pasta (cream sauce/tomato sauce)
soup noodles with egg, chicken and cabbage
Creamy mushroom soup with fish,potatoes, broccoli and carrots.
Bread with peanut butter.
Different types of fruits
Breakfast cereal with milk
Biscuits
Yogurt

Now he is acting up and has been consistently rejecting his food. Luckily he still love his fruits! I really don't know what to cook any more. He loves outside food. I only allow outside food on a weekend.

He likes KFC chicken and mash potatoes, fish chowder or any creamy soup, fish and chips, chicken fingers, maccoroni and cheese and fried noodles.

I actually tried a few recipes on the net that claims to be KFC mash potatoes... but Reese didn't like it. I tried peanut butter marinated chicken... it's yummy..but Reese didn't like it either. I give up for now... It's so tiring trying to figure out what to cook for him... I have to work and thus...don't have the luxury of time to prepare elaborate stuff and I don't trust my maid to cook for him. :( He still doesn't have enough teeth to chew meaty stuff. Ggggrrr.... going crazy...

These days... when he doesn't want his usual food, I just let it be and give him milk, fruits and biscuits. I can see that he is losing some weight.... being super active also contributed to that. He is always running and jumping.

What to do mummies?

Down with Fever

Reese is down with fever since Monday. Highest recorded temperature was 38.4 c. Fever comes and go and he didn't eat much. Today is the 3rd day. Could it be due to teething? Should I take him to the doc? Been giving him paracetamol and he is still his usual self, running all over the house and playing. Hubby took leave to babysit him today. My mom kept asking me to take him to the doc but I felt it's not necessary unless it's really high fever. Reese's highest was 38.4c and that also lasted for a short time...and the fever will go down to about 37.6c or so. He was still his usual self. I will wait till later today before taking him to the doc. Mummies...what do you do when your child has fever? Do you immediately take your child to the doc?

Catch the Moon

Thanks to mumsgather's recommendation on Totlol.com. Reese and I found a music video clip that we both love very much. I think it's just sooo sweet. Simple melody coupled with simple graphics...

This was by Lisa Loeb & Elizabeth Mitchell - Catch The Moon. To me...it's more for little girls.. but somehow Reese loves it. Maybe because of the pretty girls?

Reese will ask for 'catch moon'..and when he sees the moon... he will exclaim catch a moon.... gitar (guitar).....

Everytime I sing the song to him... he will drag me to the computer to show him the video clip..hehe

WL program (end of 4th week)

Sorry...delayed post. I was down with a cold since last Thursday and didn't exercise till yesterday... :) Food intake...well.. took fish and chips, KFC, pizza, satay and noodles. Yeah... fattening food but under control. Started to exercise again today. Did 27 minutes on the bike. Tired.... will do better tomorrow.

The good news is... on Sunday when I stood on the scale.... in total... I lost 3kgs in 4 weeks. Not bad huh? I am on track.... so since I was sick, I kinda relax a little...haha...

Anyway... for the next 3 weeks plus... I hope to lose 3 kgs again. Got to work really hard....

Quality time & Quantity time

Of late... I have been thinking about this; the amount of time hubby and I spend with Reese. How much of it is actually quality time? There is a big difference between quality time and quantity time. Quality time translates into comunicating and bonding with your child. I am happy that 90% of the time we actually spent quality time with him. :)

I know of parents who considered watching TV passively with their kids or watching the kids play without participating as quality time spent with them. Mmmm... sad to say...alot of parents think the same. There are many ambitious parents out there busy making money and who think that money can be the key to their children's success.... hai....

As a working parent, I understand the stress and pressure and time constraint we face all the time because of it...we have many excuses to justify why we do not have time to spend with our children.

To me, unless you don't have enough to eat and take care of basic necessities, maybe working a little less and spending a little bit more time with your child is the best decision to make. Oh...and it shouldn't be one sided..meaning both parents should be doing it together whenever possible or at least there should be a balance. Our children is our investment. It's not so much of monetery investment but emotionally, spritually as well as physically. Darn... hope you understand what I am saying...haha...

We have to spontaneous with our life!!

Movie, shopping and a fall

On Saturday we (hubby and I) managed to catch 'Wanted' and did a little shopping. We bought Reese a pair of swim shorts from GAP (30% off). Really cute. Then in the evening, we took Reese to The Curve... let him play at the indoor playground. We had KFC for dinner. ELC is having a sale and we bought Reese the Extreme marble play.

Ah... yesterday took Reese to the park and while playing on the playground...he missed a step and fell off a 1 meter plus high platform. No serious injuries just some scratches and 30 seconds of crying. Phew... my heart just jump out of me when he fell. He was ok..he is a tough kid...hehe...daddy even wanted to blacklist the park..haha.. he was just hurt because his son was hurt....hehe... Very precious. Later we chase after birds and pigeons and Reese was a happy boy again.

In the evening, we went to 1Utama hoping to find a pair of shoes for daddy and instead we found a nice pair of shoes for Reese. We have been hunting for a pair of sneakers for Reese for a long time and always can't find the right one. Reese has big and broad feet. The best part is...this pair of shoes can be machine wash! :) It's a new range (Little sensory motion peanut) from Nike. We had fish and chips for dinner.

Extreme marble set from ELC
Sneakers (we bought the yellow one)

Reese in action



Remember I told you that Reese claps like a person who really appreciates music? Check out this video and watch the way he claps to the rhythm of the music...hehe

TV programmes

Do you allow your kids to watch any TV programmes (kids programmes) they like? Or you will pre select the ones they can watch?

Reese still not much of a TV addict. He only likes Barney, Sesame Street and lately Mickey Mouse. Usually during the weekends, if possible we won't let him watch TV. At my parents, he will watch TV before nap time and during meals. By the way...we do not have the Astro kids' channels.

And yesterday my mom told me he enjoys Ultraman!! Gosh...I hate Ultraman.... and I really don't want Reese to like it. First of all, it's ugly and it promotes a bit of violence... I hope Reese won't grow up playing swords and guns...well...ok...I am being unrealistic here... haha... Nah... he can jolly well play anything he likes...but I just hate Ultraman.... and I know of parents who won't let their kids watch a certain programmes because they don't like them! I use to tell them...let them explore....but hey... see what became of me? I am doing the same!

**I try to let Reese explore what he likes...but I will make sure the programmes are suitable for his age and there are things to learn from them.

I am Mummy....Yes.....

Reese finally calls me Mummy!!!! Thanks to Daddy Reese for being persistent in teaching Reese to say mummy...

Yesterday he called me Mummy and no more Ah mee... Need to get used to it....I am so used to hearing Ah mee. Hehe....

Me, Music and My Sexy Body....

                                    Am I handsome?

                               See my muscular legs?

                  Trying to turn on my current favorite cartoon Mickey Mouse

                                     Check out my butt...

                               Playing daddy's electric guitar

                                         Playing my drums

Latest Picture of Mr. Reese Matthew

Reese has been feeding himself little snacks and once in a while.. he will use the fork if given a chance. He hates his stroller. One of the pictures below... you can see him sulking in his stroller. He loves playing at Toys R us and also those little kiddy rides. Going out to eat or shopping is a challenge.

21 months milestones

3 more months to his 2nd birthday! So what's new? mmmm... alot...

He is definitely taller...still didn't get to measure him. Weight... either it's the same or slightly more.

1. Very agile. Very active. Always on the run and always jumping around. Can climb quite well. Can never sit still.

2. Reese loves music and lately he is beginning to sing with actions too.

3. Absorbs everything like a sponge.. amazing memory...maybe ours are a little rusty..haha..

4. He can count up to 20 now. Likes to point and count...always miss the number 2.

5. He knows his phonic sound for A-Z... a few misses here and there. Now when asked an alphabet, he can tell you the sound and associate it with a thing that begins with the sound.

6.He can talk in 3 word phrases now. He uses a good mixture of verbs and nouns. He can pronounce 3 syllabus words quite clearly.

7. His vocabulary is very wide and we lost count. He knows shapes (heart, square, triangle, rectangle, oval, circle), he knows alot of animals even iguana, he knows most of the common vehicles(bus, tractor, car, tanker, fire engine, bicycle, motorbike, van, truck, lorry, cement mixer, airplane, helicopter, hot air balloon, pickup truck), he knows most of the colors (black, white, green, yellow, brown, blue, orange, purple, pink, red, grey), he knows alot of opposites like inside and outside, big and small, up and down..., he knows a lot of verbs and nouns and some adjectives!

8. Milk intake still the same but now, he knows how to ask for milk when hungry.

9. Food still very choosy... Slightly less western... willing to take soup noodles. :)

10. Still calls me Ah Mee.

11. When he wants something, he will pull us by the hand and sometimes guide our hands to the things he want us to do. He will get us involve in his play.

12. Knows how to play simple games on the computer using the keyboard.

13. Attention span for watching TV/DVD is much longer now.

14. Started to like Mickey Mouse Club House; still likes Barney and Sesame Street.

15. Willing to let me brush his teeth.

16. Love water play. When in the wading pool, he will walk around the pool all by himself refusing my help. He doesn't wear any float nor does he allow me to hold him. He can kick his legs in the water, he can even jump in the water!

17. When he doesn't get what he wants, he will throw tantrum but can be easily pacified. Get's distracted quite easily.

18. Hardly cries.

19. He loves to smile and laugh. Most of the time a happy child.

20. He loves books. Now that he understand more and can communicate better... it's more fun reading with/to him.

21. He is actually very playful. Loves to play hide and seek and catch.

22. Most probably left-handed.

23. He has a phobia. He is afraid of loud sounds(laughter, clapping etc) coming from a big group of people. He will immediately cry and it's those very scary crying. We hope this will go away soon. We are having problems taking him to church and GG on Sundays. The moment he sees the church building...he will refuse to get out of the car! It's that bad. We just don't know what to do... All got worse after coming back from our last Penang trip. It's not getting any better. Hai...

WL Program (End of 3rd Week)

Exercise on bike - 30 minutes
Weight training - 2 times a week
Food - eat less and avoid rice
Weight - another 0.7 kg less. Total to date 2.7 kgs

I am happy that I can workout on the bike for 30 minutes and this week will try for 35 minutes or maybe 40 minutes. Over the week, my food intake was quite consistent, meat/fish and vege and fruits for dinner, for breakfast I had breakfast cereal with milk and an apple. Lunch usually mee hoo soup or sometimes 2 vege and one meat without rice. I am happy that I feel really good. On the not so good side, on Saturday I had a little bit of fried rice for lunch and hokkien mee for dinner...haha..and Sunday evening... we went to Chili's for dinner. I was trying to control...but I had a good meal. I guess... I deserve a little bit of reward... :)

I used to starve myself to lose those extra kgs...but now... I realized....mmm....actually knew it all along... there is no shortcuts to losing those fats.... Exercise is the key. No pain no gain!! Despite not following a very strict diet and occasionally eats my favourite food .. I am still able to lose 2.7 kgs in 3 weeks... that shows...exercising is the best and it keeps the fats away.....

There are a few recipe for detox and I think those were really good. I can't find the book at the moment... will share it with you once I clear my desk!

Greatest Gift?

I was talking to mummy blogger Christine over msn yesterday and the topic about having a second child came about. She is expecting her second one. Then as we talk about the joy and possible nightmare of caring a second one....She shared about her friend once told her that....

The greatest inheritance or gift to your child is not money but SIBLINGS. Mmmmm... at first my reaction to it was...Wow... she further shared that siblings can help out with financial burdens, care for the parents when they get old...etc... She will share more on her blog soon. I agree but later in the evening..... it also crossed my mind that sometimes...sibblings can also cause problems... of course there are more good than bad but from personal experience..... not my own sibbling...but some relatives..... some sibblings are a nuisance and cause heartache and financial burdens to their other sibblings.

So... it all depends huh? Will I have number two? I wish...but there are still many concerns.. I worry about finances because the way we want Reese to be educated...it cost a lot of money and if second one comes along...we have to be fair right? Can we cope with two kids? Will we give the same amount of time and love for the second one? Can we be totally fair to the second one?

There are so many questions in our heads... all I can think of is pray hard and let God decide what's best. I would love Reese to have a brother or sister to play with. Less lonely. Hai.....

Oh...if I am successful with home schooling Reese...then financially...we can support a second one..haha... materials can be reused. Home school till 12 and send them to private school (international syllabus) and then college and do a 3+0 degree here. If there is any spare money then a 2+1 degree.... It's good to give them overseas exposure. That's basically my plan for Reese.

Good education is so expensive these days. I was checking some recommended kindies and they range from RM8xx to about 1k plus per month. As for private school (international syllabus), it's about 18k per year. College and Uni...depending on the courses...it's also more than 15k per year... So you see.... it's expensive. So if we have number two.... you do the math...

Oh..we also have to make sure that we save enough for our retirement so that we won't burden Reese financially and hope that Reese won't burden us either.... hahaha...

Kathie, mumsgather, blessed mum... care to share your experience as a mother of two? What was it like initially? How did you cope with a newborn and a toddler... do you compare the kids? are you fair to them? Please share...

What luck

What is the probability that while driving on a busy road and hitting a flying bird?

very slim right?

Well, this morning as I was traveling to my mum's place... I hit a crow head on with a loud thud. What luck.

It's here!

My books from U.S were delivered via Fedex at about 3.15pm yesterday. I was so excited. They sure deliver fast; no wonder it's so expensive when it comes to shipping. From charging my credit card to delivery it only took 4 days.

After unpacking and checking the contents... I am all satisfied that I invested in this home school program for Reese. I am going to have a great time sharing the many fairy tales, fiction and fun with Reese.

Some may ask why build a personal library when it seems easier and cheaper to simply check books out from the local library. I personally felt that children love to read and read and reread their favourites and they take pleasure in having copies of books that have become their special friends. Also if you have other children then the books become an investment to be passed down to each succeeding child and perhaps even to grandchildren.

I will start the program with Reese after he turns two which means sometime in October. For now, we will just read books suitable for his age and get him interested to listening stories. He is now more willing to listen to my reading and I guess it's because he is able to understand better. This program includes science, social studies, teachings of God and fun games. It also comes with a parent's guide to give you ideas on how to teach your child using the program.

Soon, I will also teach him to say his night time prayers and this home school program inclues 3 wonderful books to teach the very young about God.

Check out the books and games I received!

Bible stories, Noah's Ark and Poems and Prayers for the very young

Bedtime Surprise II

:) We tested Reese on his alphabet sounds again and ...WOW...actually... he knew most of the alphabet sounds!! I can safely say 85% of it... hubby and I were both very surprise.

The most surprising thing was...

I think he can associate the sounds with things that begins with them. For example... when I ask him what 'te' is for... he said 'Tom'. Tom is from Spot the dog series.... different from the one he was taught. It was suppose to be 'tiger'. Amazing... children at his age...sure absorb info like a sponge!

Oh...another wonderful surprise is that I was able to record Reese counting from 1-10 minus 2. These days..he loves to count...will take anything and start counting... Oh check out his dancing... and also his first favourite adult song titled 'Hey hey' by the Elms...according to Daddy Reese...it's classic rock..... you must watch the video..towards the end...Reese suddenly decided to count in front of the camera... :) enjoy....

Bedtime surprise

Last night, as usual we read and played with Reese in the bedroom before his bedtime. I then ask him...

Mummy: Reese, what is the sound for 'A'?
Reese: (Ignore me and continue to flip some pages of a book and suddenly...) Boyyyy....
Mummy: What is the sound for B?
Reese: B, be, boy....
Mummy: C?
Reese: Ke.. ar-ti-ter (computer)
Mummy: D?
Reese: De...doll.....
Mummy: E?
Reese: (no more response... only interested in his book)
Mummy and Daddy: Clever boy...

Reese now knows the sound of a,b,c,d,e....j,m,n....q,z. Thanks to www.starfall.com!

What do we do with Reese most of the time?

Daddy

• Play computer with him.
• Sing to him.
• Play catch with him.
• Read with him.
• Play with him on the bed.
• Play toys with him.
• Draws with him.
• Take him to the playground or fountain.
• Once in a while play in the shower with him while bathing him.
• Go shopping with him.

Mummy

• Sing to and with him.
• Dance with him.
• Do silly faces with him.
• Play in the shower with him.
• Play catch with him.
• Take him to the playground or fountain.
• Take short walks with him.
• Go swimming with him.
• Read to and with him.
• Play flash cards with him.
• Play computer with him.
• Draws with him.
• Go shopping with him.
• Play hike and seek with him.
• Play on the bed with him.

We love spending time with Reese but it is getting more and more tiring because Reese is so hyper active!! In public places, we usually let Reese to freely explore and we will follow closely behind him. Most of the time, he will run like a fugitive!! We used to be able to catch up with him even when he runs...now... we have to run after him... he is so fast! We are a little worried whether this trend is going to continue...two parents running like mad people chasing after a little boy...haha and when we try to carry him... he will use all his strength to wriggle out of our arms...and he is sooooo strong that it's quite impossible to not let go! Yesterday evening my aunt ask me what I fed Reese until he can be so strong... :)

I love to sing with him. These days, his singing skill has improved alot. You can actually hear a tune or two when he sings. I love to watch him clap his hands. The way he does it, is like a very skillful master appreciating music while clapping and the best part is.. he claps with good timing too... Oh...another thing about Reese, once in a while... he will shake his butt to the music that he likes...oh..that is a real killer... :)

I also love the way he blinks his eyes... eyes shut tight and baring his teeth with a grin... or when his little dimple decided to show it self... His voice is always sweet...even when he shouts..ok..that is not so nice....hahaha...

When he plays hike and seek or catch... you can see his excited face plus rosy cheeks burning from all the running and jumping... you can't help but love the little one to bits... ah....there is so much to love about this little boy... no wonder people say a mummy's love is endless....

Oh... my absolute favourite is when he walks up to me and calls me Ah mee(mummy) and grabs my hand and meticulously place his hand into mine the way he likes it...and leads me to wherever he wants me to go with him.... I just melt instantly.

Appendicitis

I am a bit worried for Reese. Because he has become so active... he tends to run and jump 90% of his waking hours. The worst part is after a meal, he will immediately run around or jump around and at times, he will choke and even vomit some of his food. It's quite impossible to stop him from running or jumping after food. Maybe more effort is needed to stop him.

My question is, will he get appendicitis from all the running and jumping? I remembered from young, our parents would tell us not to run or jump after a full meal else we will get appendicitis!So how true is that?

I did a search on the net and this is what I found:

1. Appendicitis can occur in persons of any age, but it is most prevalent in young adults and children. It tends to occur on its own with no particular cause.

2. Causes?

Appendicitis may be caused by infection or by something (for example, a hard lump of faeces) blocking the appendix.

It's not clear why the infection occurs but one theory suggests that bacteria normally found in the gut invade through the wall of the appendix, as a result of weakness in the body's defences, to cause inflammation and infection.

3. What are the symptoms?

The child typically describes colicky pain in the centre of the abdomen that comes and goes. The pain then shifts to the iliac fossa (lower outside edge of the abdomen) on the right side and becomes worse.

Loss of appetite and sometimes vomiting occur, although this is rarely severe. There may be constipation or diarrhoea.

The child will be feverish and may show a dry, furry tongue, flushed face and lie still, taking shallow breaths because of the pain.

Sometimes the symptoms aren't typical and appendicitis should be considered whenever there's severe or persistent abdominal pain - get medical advice.

The diagnosis is easily mistaken and nearly half those operated on are found not to have appendicitis. It may be confused with food poisoning, mesenteric adenitis (inflammation of lymph nodes in the abdomen) and urinary infections.

So I guess there is no truth in what my parents said huh? So what do you think? Any personal experiences?

WL Program - End of Week 2

Tata.... despite a little inconsistency in the type of food I took... I did manage to lose 2 kgs! :)

So happy. Last week I exercised on the bike for 25 minutes and food intake...ok... but one of the days..Hubby forgot about my diet and he ordered pizza for dinner...so I had a sinful dinner...hehe...and I had KFC on Saturday minus some skin...

Today...I was not in the mood to exercise..tomorrow will start 30 minutes on the bike.... I was so happy this morning when I saw my weight dropped.... more hard work...

A Gem

Hubby was at work yesterday and I decided not to go to Church. Instead I took Reese and maid to Taman Tun Public Park. I knew about this park for a long time but never bothered to go there and check it out. Wow! What a great surprise. It's huge and it's beautiful. I was told that this park was taken care/belongs to DBKL. There are two parts to the park, one is a kids friendly park and another is for biking, hiking and hill walking... Both were equally crowded. Parking was a problem but I was lucky to find a place in the park's small parking area.

Before this, we used to bring Reese to Lake Gardens. It's in town and it takes about 40 minutes drive. As for TTDI park, it's less than 15 minutes. TTDI park has a big lake with 3 fountains in it. The place has many big trees and the view is just great. I only managed to see probably 1/3 of the place. With Reese around...it's hard to explore. There are so many people there. Alot of families with children both old and young exercising, playing or just simply enjoying the cool morning breeze... it's wonderful.

So what's the gem? Well, there is this little stream along the park that flows to the lake. The stream is just deep enough to cover little feets and thus ideal for even very young children to have some water and sand fun. The water looks clear (may not be the cleanest but it's ok)...and the best part is, along the stream...there are many trees where you can sit below them and enjoy a nice picnic while letting the kids have fun in the stream.... between you and the kids...it's less than 2 meters! I live in the city...how often do you get to play in a stream or river? for me never unless I am willing to drive to the outskirts.... This little stream cannot be compared to a real one...but it's good enough... the kids can even catch some tiny fish.... I saw so many families having picnic by the stream while the kids enjoy playing sand castle and water fun.... it's really a gem... the bonus for me is that ...it's so close by...haha...

I can't wait to take Reese there again... I want to have a picnic there and also let Reese play in the stream... It's a must go place for those of you with kids and stay near TTDI Park. My first impression was that it's better than Lake Gardens.

Reese and Computer

Reese loves to play on the computer. He has learned how to press the keys on the keyboard and there is this great site that I would like to recommend to you. It's to learn abc and the best of all... Elmo host it. Reese has always liked Elmo...so..it's a bonus. Try it with your kids! It's the Keyboard-O-Rama . The child needs to press on the keys and Elmo on screen will respond.

Reese playing with his favourite site