Reese in action (down memory lane)
Reese at 6 months plus
Reese at about 10 months plus
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Lazy mother?
Hai... I am such a lazy mum... suppose to make Reese his drum set...so much talk and no actions! :)
I wonder how many of you mummies or daddies feel lazy every now and then... just wish something would drop from the sky and solve all your problems... it happens to me quite often these days... I need a break...
At times, I am too lazy to play with Reese.. so what makes me so lazy? don't know... just one of those days...
What did I do today?
In the morning... update Reese's blog with Reese's never before seen videos..
Cook Reese's 5 days supply of fish pasta sauce.
Clean Reese up after his poo poo.
Change and fed Reese his milk.
Drove him and maid to my mother's place.
Went to teach my first class.
Ate breakfast.
Went to the office to do some work.
Now updating Reese's blog again. :)
Hai... I am such a lazy mum... suppose to make Reese his drum set...so much talk and no actions! :)
I wonder how many of you mummies or daddies feel lazy every now and then... just wish something would drop from the sky and solve all your problems... it happens to me quite often these days... I need a break...
At times, I am too lazy to play with Reese.. so what makes me so lazy? don't know... just one of those days...
What did I do today?
In the morning... update Reese's blog with Reese's never before seen videos..
Cook Reese's 5 days supply of fish pasta sauce.
Clean Reese up after his poo poo.
Change and fed Reese his milk.
Drove him and maid to my mother's place.
Went to teach my first class.
Ate breakfast.
Went to the office to do some work.
Now updating Reese's blog again. :)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Character Building
I was chatting with a mummy blogger about raising kids. Her concern was to start charcter building in her child ASAP. So how do you do that for a very young child? How do you instill moral values and God's teaching? Honestly I don't know the right way to start... I guess you do it by example? Try explaining to the child?
Teaching a child to be virtuous proofs to be harder and more challenging in our time when children are constantly bombarded with outlandish promises from advertisers and television programming and films filled with lying, violence and sex as entertainment. As a parent I felt weary as to how I am going to help my child to develop virtuous such as respect for themselves and others, honesty and humility just to name a few.
I believe by just being virtuous ourselves and hope the children will learn by example is not sufficient. They also need encouragement, praise and character feedback.
I remembered reading somewhere that one of the basic behavioral principle is this: Children will repeat actions that get them attention from their parents. We need to constantly encourage our children with words or showing faith in their positive potential.
I think it's quite natural for us parents to give negative character feedback. We tend to tell our children things like "Why are you so naughty?" or "Why are you so mean?". If we repeatedly focus on the negative, our children will soon believe us!!
I found this to be pretty good:
52 Character building Thoughts for Children - Leah Davies
1. How I look is not as important as how I act.
2. I treat others the way I want them to treat me.
3. I am a good sport; I follow the rules, take turns and play fair.
4. It is okay to laugh at funny things, but not to laugh at others.
5. I do not gossip; if I cannot say anything helpful, I do not say anything at all.
6. When I am sad, I help myself feel better by thinking of things that are good in my life.
7. In orde to have friends, I must act in a kind way.
8. I believe that I am someone who can do important things.
9. What I say and how I say it tells others the kind of person I am.
10. I appreciate my family, my teachers, and my school.
11. I treat everyone with respect.
12. When I listen, I show others that I care about them.
13. I am being a good citizen when I volunteer to help others.
14. I think for myself and make smart hoices that are good for me.
15. Each day offers a new stat to do my best.
16. I try to understand what my friends are feeling.
17. Everyone makes mistakes, so instead of getting angry with myself, I try to do better.
18. I do not give up; I keep trying until I can do my work.
19. Sharing with others makes me feel good and makes them feel good too.
20. I work out my problems without hurting myself or others.
21. I am being polite when I wait for my turn and say please and thank you.
22. When I smile at people, they usually smile back.
23. I encourage my friends to do their best.
24. My values guide me to do what is right.
25. I am honest; I do not cheat or steal.
26. When I am angry, I use self-control and do not hurt others.
27. I am being creative when I dance, draw, paint or write a poem or story.
28. I say, "No!" to things that could hurt my body like tobacco and alcohol.
29. When I do what I say I will do, I am being responsible.
30. I am grateful for what I have, so I share with others.
31. I try to learn something new each day.
32. When things do not go my way, I stop and think of what I can do to make them better.
33. I do not make fun of other children because I don't know what their life is like.
34. I feel successful when I do my best.
35. Everyone has good and bad feelings.
36. I take care of myself by eating healthy food, exercising and getting enough rest.
37. I am being punctual when I am on time and do not keep people waiting.
38. When I cooperate with others, I get more done.
39. I follow the rules and try to make my school a better place.
40. I like to get to know children who are different from me.
41. Since I tell the truth, my friends trust me.
42. I look for what is good in others and I way what I like about them.
43. I buy only what I need and I save my money.
44. When I use my time wisely, there is usually enough time to do what I want to do.
45. I think before I act; how I act affects how others treat me.
46. Using manners helps me keep my friends.
47. I have courage to stand up for hildren who are teased.
48. Before I do something, I ask myself, "Is it safe?"
49. I am me - I do not try to be like someone else.
50. I care about living things on earth so I recycle and do not litter.
51. When I write down what I think and feel, I learn about myself.
52. I plan ahead and think about what I want to do when I grow up.
Another thing I want to add to the above:
There is a God who loves me dearly and I can always pray and talk to him anytime anywhere.
I was chatting with a mummy blogger about raising kids. Her concern was to start charcter building in her child ASAP. So how do you do that for a very young child? How do you instill moral values and God's teaching? Honestly I don't know the right way to start... I guess you do it by example? Try explaining to the child?
Teaching a child to be virtuous proofs to be harder and more challenging in our time when children are constantly bombarded with outlandish promises from advertisers and television programming and films filled with lying, violence and sex as entertainment. As a parent I felt weary as to how I am going to help my child to develop virtuous such as respect for themselves and others, honesty and humility just to name a few.
I believe by just being virtuous ourselves and hope the children will learn by example is not sufficient. They also need encouragement, praise and character feedback.
I remembered reading somewhere that one of the basic behavioral principle is this: Children will repeat actions that get them attention from their parents. We need to constantly encourage our children with words or showing faith in their positive potential.
I think it's quite natural for us parents to give negative character feedback. We tend to tell our children things like "Why are you so naughty?" or "Why are you so mean?". If we repeatedly focus on the negative, our children will soon believe us!!
I found this to be pretty good:
52 Character building Thoughts for Children - Leah Davies
1. How I look is not as important as how I act.
2. I treat others the way I want them to treat me.
3. I am a good sport; I follow the rules, take turns and play fair.
4. It is okay to laugh at funny things, but not to laugh at others.
5. I do not gossip; if I cannot say anything helpful, I do not say anything at all.
6. When I am sad, I help myself feel better by thinking of things that are good in my life.
7. In orde to have friends, I must act in a kind way.
8. I believe that I am someone who can do important things.
9. What I say and how I say it tells others the kind of person I am.
10. I appreciate my family, my teachers, and my school.
11. I treat everyone with respect.
12. When I listen, I show others that I care about them.
13. I am being a good citizen when I volunteer to help others.
14. I think for myself and make smart hoices that are good for me.
15. Each day offers a new stat to do my best.
16. I try to understand what my friends are feeling.
17. Everyone makes mistakes, so instead of getting angry with myself, I try to do better.
18. I do not give up; I keep trying until I can do my work.
19. Sharing with others makes me feel good and makes them feel good too.
20. I work out my problems without hurting myself or others.
21. I am being polite when I wait for my turn and say please and thank you.
22. When I smile at people, they usually smile back.
23. I encourage my friends to do their best.
24. My values guide me to do what is right.
25. I am honest; I do not cheat or steal.
26. When I am angry, I use self-control and do not hurt others.
27. I am being creative when I dance, draw, paint or write a poem or story.
28. I say, "No!" to things that could hurt my body like tobacco and alcohol.
29. When I do what I say I will do, I am being responsible.
30. I am grateful for what I have, so I share with others.
31. I try to learn something new each day.
32. When things do not go my way, I stop and think of what I can do to make them better.
33. I do not make fun of other children because I don't know what their life is like.
34. I feel successful when I do my best.
35. Everyone has good and bad feelings.
36. I take care of myself by eating healthy food, exercising and getting enough rest.
37. I am being punctual when I am on time and do not keep people waiting.
38. When I cooperate with others, I get more done.
39. I follow the rules and try to make my school a better place.
40. I like to get to know children who are different from me.
41. Since I tell the truth, my friends trust me.
42. I look for what is good in others and I way what I like about them.
43. I buy only what I need and I save my money.
44. When I use my time wisely, there is usually enough time to do what I want to do.
45. I think before I act; how I act affects how others treat me.
46. Using manners helps me keep my friends.
47. I have courage to stand up for hildren who are teased.
48. Before I do something, I ask myself, "Is it safe?"
49. I am me - I do not try to be like someone else.
50. I care about living things on earth so I recycle and do not litter.
51. When I write down what I think and feel, I learn about myself.
52. I plan ahead and think about what I want to do when I grow up.
Another thing I want to add to the above:
There is a God who loves me dearly and I can always pray and talk to him anytime anywhere.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
A day out....
Waiting for the tim sum bill
What? I want to get going
Ok... I will smile try to smile for the camera
Ah mee and me
Ahhhh..... let go of me....
Where next?
mmmm.... nothing like milk...
So where is this place?
Eh.... Lots of space for me to run...
See.... water fall?
At Toys r us playground
So hungry..... seafood chowder anyone?
Funny?
Time to sleep for a while... sooo tired..
Waiting for the tim sum bill
What? I want to get going
Ok... I will smile try to smile for the camera
Ah mee and me
Ahhhh..... let go of me....
Where next?
mmmm.... nothing like milk...
So where is this place?
Eh.... Lots of space for me to run...
See.... water fall?
At Toys r us playground
So hungry..... seafood chowder anyone?
Funny?
Time to sleep for a while... sooo tired..We took Reese for tim sum (we had he was just sitting there) in town followed by some window shopping at Midvalley. We spent a record 4 hours there!! Oh... we took Reese for lunch at Manhattan Fish Market (Fish & Co is better and cheaper) and because we were full... Reese alone ate.. He had kiddie meal fish and chips and seafood chowder. His meal cost RM20!! Crazy ah? hahaha... Did I tell you he started to show his terrible two symptoms? He wanted to play with his stroller and when we took it away from him... he screamed and cried sooo loud... It took him a good 2 to 3 minutes to stop! And he just kept wanting things done his way....headache..
Miscellaneous
Yesterday afternoon... after I took off his diaper and was about to shower him... he started to urinate...while urinating.. he observed himself and then suddenly stopped urinating and look at me..and then he said... boot boot... he continued again and tried very hard to do a farting action and said boot boot.... what came out was more urine.....aiyo....it's soooo funny... he did this 3 times before he finish urinating.... I wanted to laugh out loud but stopped myself. :)
Soon... I think he will be ready for potty training....
Reese's speech is improving alot. He will imitate words we say but mostly single words. He has started to speak in 2 word phases and more 2 syllabus words.
New words and phases he knows:
blue car, black car, green car, open door, Ah Mee ceerreee (mummy carry), drink milk, icken (chicken), telfe (twelve) and many more.
He is learning numbers 11-20 and the sounds of the alphabets!
Yesterday afternoon... after I took off his diaper and was about to shower him... he started to urinate...while urinating.. he observed himself and then suddenly stopped urinating and look at me..and then he said... boot boot... he continued again and tried very hard to do a farting action and said boot boot.... what came out was more urine.....aiyo....it's soooo funny... he did this 3 times before he finish urinating.... I wanted to laugh out loud but stopped myself. :)
Soon... I think he will be ready for potty training....
Reese's speech is improving alot. He will imitate words we say but mostly single words. He has started to speak in 2 word phases and more 2 syllabus words.
New words and phases he knows:
blue car, black car, green car, open door, Ah Mee ceerreee (mummy carry), drink milk, icken (chicken), telfe (twelve) and many more.
He is learning numbers 11-20 and the sounds of the alphabets!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Romance....
Been reading Mummykin and Mumsgather 's blogs about being romantic. As I was reading mummykin's post, I can't help it but smile and keep nodding my head. Yeah.. those were the days.. Ah... how I wish romance is in the air again.... I always say that hubby is not romantic... but thinking back the time when we were courting.... you be the judge... tell me what you think...hehee...
We met on the internet more than 10 years ago. At that time.. online chatting is very new in Malaysia and there were concerns about online friendships. We met on an American chat site and we were probably the only Malaysians there. Was chatting in the public when out of the blue hubby asked.. where are you at if it's 1am in the morning? Ah...and that's when we started chatting. Every night we chat till late... and then being the brave me... I started to make calls... then I started to received cassette tapes with personalized covers and cards and after a year of online friendship.. we met. I think it was close to Christmas and I got a tickle me Elmo from hubby... I knew it was love when he told me that I love you not because of your looks, I don't care whether you are fat... I love YOU as a person. Ah....I melted instantly. There was alot of complications before our meeting but after that... there is no stopping us.
Once we started courting... I knew he is the guy for me, for life... :) We were both poor.. literally. He rides a motorbike and I was always terrified... hehehe... how it hurts my butt if we travel very far on the bike or how we both smelled of dust after a ride...In our 10 years together.. I can count on my fingers how many times he bought me flowers...but the first time..it was memorable... he went to Petaling street and got me some flowers... it was not the nicest bouquet but good enough... he is a very sweet guy...attentive to my every need.
He proposed to me at Lafitte, Shangrila (spelling?) with a nice little diamond ring. It was a wonderful experience.. I remembered during the dinner... he held my hands and said a prayer and through that prayer he ask me to marry him.... *wink* romantic right?
On my 29th birthday... he surprised me with a beautiful card that he made. It says.. Happy birthday Ah Girl..... :)
When I was pregnant.... he will give me massages, serve me like a maid too! I LOVE my husband. Oh...the best part...during labour... he would hold my hand sooooooo tight and squeezes it whenever the midwife ask me to push... he would do the breathing exercise with me... it was really funny... he kept saying....
"Girl... push....ooowsh...oowsh....pushhhhh....ooowsh...ooowsh..." even thou I was in pain and tired... I managed to laugh at him and told him to calm down..haha.
Sad to say... after Reese was born.... romance was no longer in the air.... instead...we became very practical... always tired, stressed at times.... I am a person who constantly needs to be held, touched, hugged, kissed.... but looks like I am the one doing it...he is very woodenLAH... but I think I will definitely look into ways to bring the romance back.... I miss those time...but..at times it just feels weird...like one of the mummy blogger commented.. It's weird to be romantic again..haha....
I have tried hugging hubby and kissing him in front of Reese... hoping Reese will learn to kiss us! Reese will just look at us blankly...or just smile but it's ok...it feels good.
Whenever we are close, we will touch each other in little ways like rubbing our fingers together, holding hands, little massages.... I am working on it....
We need to invest in our relationship for our children will leave us to have their own life one day.
Been reading Mummykin and Mumsgather 's blogs about being romantic. As I was reading mummykin's post, I can't help it but smile and keep nodding my head. Yeah.. those were the days.. Ah... how I wish romance is in the air again.... I always say that hubby is not romantic... but thinking back the time when we were courting.... you be the judge... tell me what you think...hehee...
We met on the internet more than 10 years ago. At that time.. online chatting is very new in Malaysia and there were concerns about online friendships. We met on an American chat site and we were probably the only Malaysians there. Was chatting in the public when out of the blue hubby asked.. where are you at if it's 1am in the morning? Ah...and that's when we started chatting. Every night we chat till late... and then being the brave me... I started to make calls... then I started to received cassette tapes with personalized covers and cards and after a year of online friendship.. we met. I think it was close to Christmas and I got a tickle me Elmo from hubby... I knew it was love when he told me that I love you not because of your looks, I don't care whether you are fat... I love YOU as a person. Ah....I melted instantly. There was alot of complications before our meeting but after that... there is no stopping us.
Once we started courting... I knew he is the guy for me, for life... :) We were both poor.. literally. He rides a motorbike and I was always terrified... hehehe... how it hurts my butt if we travel very far on the bike or how we both smelled of dust after a ride...In our 10 years together.. I can count on my fingers how many times he bought me flowers...but the first time..it was memorable... he went to Petaling street and got me some flowers... it was not the nicest bouquet but good enough... he is a very sweet guy...attentive to my every need.
He proposed to me at Lafitte, Shangrila (spelling?) with a nice little diamond ring. It was a wonderful experience.. I remembered during the dinner... he held my hands and said a prayer and through that prayer he ask me to marry him.... *wink* romantic right?
On my 29th birthday... he surprised me with a beautiful card that he made. It says.. Happy birthday Ah Girl..... :)
When I was pregnant.... he will give me massages, serve me like a maid too! I LOVE my husband. Oh...the best part...during labour... he would hold my hand sooooooo tight and squeezes it whenever the midwife ask me to push... he would do the breathing exercise with me... it was really funny... he kept saying....
"Girl... push....ooowsh...oowsh....pushhhhh....ooowsh...ooowsh..." even thou I was in pain and tired... I managed to laugh at him and told him to calm down..haha.
Sad to say... after Reese was born.... romance was no longer in the air.... instead...we became very practical... always tired, stressed at times.... I am a person who constantly needs to be held, touched, hugged, kissed.... but looks like I am the one doing it...he is very woodenLAH... but I think I will definitely look into ways to bring the romance back.... I miss those time...but..at times it just feels weird...like one of the mummy blogger commented.. It's weird to be romantic again..haha....
I have tried hugging hubby and kissing him in front of Reese... hoping Reese will learn to kiss us! Reese will just look at us blankly...or just smile but it's ok...it feels good.
Whenever we are close, we will touch each other in little ways like rubbing our fingers together, holding hands, little massages.... I am working on it....
We need to invest in our relationship for our children will leave us to have their own life one day.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Funny
I find these funny.
Of late, whenever Reese farts, he will then look at you sheepishly and then laugh. After that... he will say boot boot... hahaha...
He also likes to look at the mirror or any surface that shows his reflection. He will dance, clap, move his hands up and down or watch himself throws a ball. He will call himself 'reees'
I find these funny.
Of late, whenever Reese farts, he will then look at you sheepishly and then laugh. After that... he will say boot boot... hahaha...
He also likes to look at the mirror or any surface that shows his reflection. He will dance, clap, move his hands up and down or watch himself throws a ball. He will call himself 'reees'
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Our children's dreams
I always love working with children. Unlike us, their dreams are infinite. It's inspiring to listen to their dreams. Children start dreaming at an early age. They think about their future career, their education, wealth and so on. Their dreams can be enormous!!
As parents, we have control over whether our children achieve their dreams. For the children, parents are motivation, inspiration and leadership in other words their role model. At times we might think that our child's dreams are unrealistic. That is the negative adult in us. If you think about it, we are probably the only support they have. We should believe in them because they believe in themselves.
Don't deny their dreams
Children dream big and to them everything is possible. That is great isn't it? It should be that way. If we deny our children's dreams, or their right to dream, we are undermining their chances of achievement.
Don't get in the way
We get in the way when we deny their dreams, control them, deny them a good education, don't teach them life skills and etc.
Our goal as parents is to meet our parental obligations and provide a path toward success for our children to follow. If we cut off our children before they even get started, it doesn't just crush them right now, it will negatively impact them in their adult life.
Good role models
In many ways...we are the key to our children's success in life. Agree?
Nurture them
As children grows, they will develop certain interest and some might turn into dreams. We should show them how and help lead the way to achieve these dreams. We should help them record down their dreams. Do some research about it and expose the them to the information available, practical experiences. Don't over do it. Start with basics. Along the way... help them chart the little progress or achievements they make.
I hope Reese doesn't ask to the first man on some planet... I don't think I have the resources ....then again... I must not be negative... happy parenting!
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Reese in action I
This video was taken last Sunday evening after dinner at 1U. Reese was trying to dance to some hip hop music and towards the end of the video...you get to see how he runs freely in shopping malls. We practically have to run after him most of the time now! The moment his feet touches the floor... he will run and run and run...
Monday, April 07, 2008
Can you let go?
Few weeks back at my Growth group, one of our church elder said something very interesting. He has 3 children, eldest in college and youngest is 12 years old. He said that his priority now has shifted to his wife. His number 1 priority is his wife. His children? well... he said..eventually they will go and have their own life and what's left will be just him and his wife!! So... should invest more on his wife! hahaha....
Come to think of it, it's true... no matter how much you invest in your children...they will eventually leave you and start a life of their own. Can you let go? After years of nurturing and loving and everything under the sun...can you let go?
** I know...my son is only 18 months.. hehe...
Mother of a son
I always knew during my pregnancy that I will have a baby boy. It's a very strong feeling and I just can't explain it and true enough, I now have a healthy boy who is growing very fast.
I always tell my husband that you should be happy because you got a son. You can basically teach him everything you want him to know about being a boy and man. You can relive your boyhood and give him what you didn't have before. It's a boy thing!
As for me, I want to be as close as I can to my son, I want to be his best friend. I hope when he is an adult, I get to be close to him and be involved in his life.
I used to hate guys who are mummy's boy. Now that I am a mother, I am in a dilemma. I don't want my boy to be a mummy's boy and yet... I want to be close to him... you know what I mean?
During my confinement, my in-laws were with me for 3 weeks to help me out. I did not hire a confinement lady and my mother was busy and can only cook my meals. During that 1 month, I realised that I longed for my mother nearly every hour or so!! My mother-in-law was great but still I yearn for my mother and I am happiest when my mother came visiting during my confinement. I remembered I tried to fight back tears when I saw her and my sister!! I think it's a natural thing that you would prefer your own mother to anybody else.
When I became a mother, I tried to let my parents-in-law to be as involved as possible with Reese whenever they visit. They love Reese so much.
It's interesting that most mothers that I chat with, they will tell me how they prefer their mother in law to stay out of their pregnancy and post pregnancy. They are not mean, it's just that they prefer their own mother! They are more comfortable, they can be themselves! It's a girl thing? I had the same feeling at times but I am very grateful to my in-laws for helping out.....I know I want my in-laws to be involved because I want Reese's future wife to be comfortable with me and allow me to be involved in her pregnancy and post pregnancy... I want to bath my grandson... I want to help...I want to be close to my son's children!!!
Mummies with boys... what's your take on this? Do share your thoughts!
Lake Gardens
Waiting for food at our favorite noodle stall in town
Check out the fountain...Reese loves fountain
Exploring the place
Lots of space to run around..
Scared... Reese hates confined places... He prefers the open slides
Back in his car seat after a one month plus break...
Getting tired...
No more energy...
We had a great time at the Lake Gardens last Sunday. Suppose to go to the cemetery with family but it was postpone. This is our second time there. It was very warm though. We let Reese run around, went to his favorite fountain and then the playground.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I found THE alphabet blocks!
I have been searching for those classic wooden alphabet blocks and after months of searching...I found it!!! Yess.... these blocks are big and it comes with both upper and lower case alphabets..
Ah... I have started to teach Reese phonics sounds... but he is more interested in taking away my alphabet cards... Once he knows the sound..I am going to use the blocks to teach him how to read words! I for see a very very long process..... he may be a little young for it but heck... no harm trying...hahaha.....
This is not a toy....but you can certainly play with it! :) I bought it at this shop call Choo Choo Train at The Gardens, Midvalley. It is RM79.90(www.wonderworldtoy.com). I found something similar but made in China and the finishing is a bit rough and too small. I am not sure about the paint they use. At least this one is made in Thailand and has won some award and it says non toxic paint. So go get it if you are looking for blocks like these... they can be very versatile in teaching children....
How to discipline children my way.....
First thing to remember... Children below the age of 4... they are totally innocent!
At this age...they are filled with curiosity, creativity, loads of energy.....the list goes on...in short..it's their right to explore everything around them, It's not their fault if they create a tornado in your house! It's their right.... they are learning.... it's from the mess they learn about the different texture of things, be it wet or dry, silky or rubbery... the various music and sound things create when thrown on the floor, consequences of pain, cold, hot..... you know what I mean?
We want the best for your kids, we want them to be safe and thus...more than 85% of the time... we will tell them NO. We are so afraid that they might hurt themselves, they will catch a cold, they will get sick......the list goes on and on.... but if you think about it... a lot of it..it's unnecessary worrying. We are limiting their ever expanding world. We are confining them to our little perfect world. We always think that they are not ready for this and that...
Look at how our ancestors brought up their children? Hygiene is at the minimal, play time is at the maximum! Children those days had probably 1 or no jabs from the pediatrician and definitely hardly any visit to the doctor's clinic and yet they have better immunity!(partly blame the food and environment) Half the time the kids will play half naked in and out of the house and yet they are ok... there is a saying in Hokkien. 'La sum jiak, La sum tuah'. Direct translation: eat dirty, grow up dirty.... eerrr.. did I get the saying wrong? not surelah... hahaha... Have to ask my aunt.... anyone can help? ahaha..so embarrassing...
Anyway... What I am trying to say is...we should be more relax... but of course..we also have to keep an eye on our kids...and there should be a certain limit to everything... Over the years, I have learned that being SUPER PATIENT is really the key to discipling children. So how do I do it?
Easy...be their friend and treat them like one. Always explain to them why certain actions are wrong and the consequences of doing them... it doesn't always work..but believe it or not... it's the foundation. Next I always ask them, If I did the same actions to you... how would you feel? Or tell them how you feel about certain actions, how it hurts you..... You think it's too deep for the kids? nah... they are smarter than you... ;) ok...maybe sometimes they don't but hey... it works in the long run. It teaches them to think of others! Oh...always give them some time to ponder about the above...leave them for a few minutes. It gives you some time to compose yourself and to be calm again.
Then... for repeated offenses, there must be some form of punishment... like taking away their favorite toy, no TV, stand at a corner, go to your room and the likes... make sure they know you mean business! Else they will manipulate you! You have to be firm when it comes to punishment. If they whine or sulk and throw tantrum... you just calmly tell them why a certain punishment.. and then leave them for a while to think about it! Do it often enough...they will seriously think twice before doing something again. Of course...there are children who will have no fear or they rather not have a certain thing and will continue to repeat those offenses... again..we just have to persevere and control our anger. ONE DAY.... the child will learn... :)
Oh...but always tell them you love them very much. At the end of the punishment... always hug them and give them alot of kisses!
Scolding is fine as long as you don't belittle the child. No verbal abuses.
Spanking, mmmm... if possible don't do it but if you must...make sure it's only on a certain parts of the body. Never slap a child... that is very humiliating.
As for children older than 4 , mmmm... more or less the same concept but with even more patience and determination! And reverse psychology comes into play even more. I used to teach some kids who were very spoilt and naughty. Their parents will totally surrender to them! These kids were very manipulative. They know who to bully, they have changed countless of tutors and only the fierces tutors survived. So when I came along... the parents warn me about them and gave me the green light to use the cane whenever necessary. Wow! These were my first students and they were with me for nearly 10 years! and I never need to use the cane when others have to. They were so used to caning that they will never shed a tear and yet... when I reason with them and scold them once in a while... you can see tears flooding their eyes! The power of reasoning is fantastic. The best thing was... they respect you.
So always make sure that your children respect you! Try not to break promises and be firm when you say no and when you punish them. Don't ever do it half heartedly. Don't let them see your weakness..else they will again manipulate you... these little ones... oh boy..they are real smart. ;)
Again exercise patience and persevere!
For teens... this is the most difficult... you need extreme (infinite at times) patience and determination! Haha... I think children at this stage is the most difficult.. you have to be their 'cool' friend and a parent at the same time... not easy... discipling them... at times it is almost r impossible... but remember.. be a role model and never contradict yourself or be a hypocrite else they will use it against you big time! Make sure when you carry out any form of punishment.. it is properly explained to them so that they understand it. Never punish them when you are angry. Talk to them about their actions and then give them and yourself some time to think about it before you punish. Kids at this age are extremely rebellious. Ah.... it's just tough but can be done... again...give them a lot of love and assurance.
Hai.... I hope I am able to do all these with Reese... so far so good... never beaten him and never really scolded him before...
So mummies... work on it...PATIENT PATIENT PATIENT.....
First thing to remember... Children below the age of 4... they are totally innocent!
At this age...they are filled with curiosity, creativity, loads of energy.....the list goes on...in short..it's their right to explore everything around them, It's not their fault if they create a tornado in your house! It's their right.... they are learning.... it's from the mess they learn about the different texture of things, be it wet or dry, silky or rubbery... the various music and sound things create when thrown on the floor, consequences of pain, cold, hot..... you know what I mean?
We want the best for your kids, we want them to be safe and thus...more than 85% of the time... we will tell them NO. We are so afraid that they might hurt themselves, they will catch a cold, they will get sick......the list goes on and on.... but if you think about it... a lot of it..it's unnecessary worrying. We are limiting their ever expanding world. We are confining them to our little perfect world. We always think that they are not ready for this and that...
Look at how our ancestors brought up their children? Hygiene is at the minimal, play time is at the maximum! Children those days had probably 1 or no jabs from the pediatrician and definitely hardly any visit to the doctor's clinic and yet they have better immunity!(partly blame the food and environment) Half the time the kids will play half naked in and out of the house and yet they are ok... there is a saying in Hokkien. 'La sum jiak, La sum tuah'. Direct translation: eat dirty, grow up dirty.... eerrr.. did I get the saying wrong? not surelah... hahaha... Have to ask my aunt.... anyone can help? ahaha..so embarrassing...
Anyway... What I am trying to say is...we should be more relax... but of course..we also have to keep an eye on our kids...and there should be a certain limit to everything... Over the years, I have learned that being SUPER PATIENT is really the key to discipling children. So how do I do it?
Easy...be their friend and treat them like one. Always explain to them why certain actions are wrong and the consequences of doing them... it doesn't always work..but believe it or not... it's the foundation. Next I always ask them, If I did the same actions to you... how would you feel? Or tell them how you feel about certain actions, how it hurts you..... You think it's too deep for the kids? nah... they are smarter than you... ;) ok...maybe sometimes they don't but hey... it works in the long run. It teaches them to think of others! Oh...always give them some time to ponder about the above...leave them for a few minutes. It gives you some time to compose yourself and to be calm again.
Then... for repeated offenses, there must be some form of punishment... like taking away their favorite toy, no TV, stand at a corner, go to your room and the likes... make sure they know you mean business! Else they will manipulate you! You have to be firm when it comes to punishment. If they whine or sulk and throw tantrum... you just calmly tell them why a certain punishment.. and then leave them for a while to think about it! Do it often enough...they will seriously think twice before doing something again. Of course...there are children who will have no fear or they rather not have a certain thing and will continue to repeat those offenses... again..we just have to persevere and control our anger. ONE DAY.... the child will learn... :)
Oh...but always tell them you love them very much. At the end of the punishment... always hug them and give them alot of kisses!
Scolding is fine as long as you don't belittle the child. No verbal abuses.
Spanking, mmmm... if possible don't do it but if you must...make sure it's only on a certain parts of the body. Never slap a child... that is very humiliating.
As for children older than 4 , mmmm... more or less the same concept but with even more patience and determination! And reverse psychology comes into play even more. I used to teach some kids who were very spoilt and naughty. Their parents will totally surrender to them! These kids were very manipulative. They know who to bully, they have changed countless of tutors and only the fierces tutors survived. So when I came along... the parents warn me about them and gave me the green light to use the cane whenever necessary. Wow! These were my first students and they were with me for nearly 10 years! and I never need to use the cane when others have to. They were so used to caning that they will never shed a tear and yet... when I reason with them and scold them once in a while... you can see tears flooding their eyes! The power of reasoning is fantastic. The best thing was... they respect you.
So always make sure that your children respect you! Try not to break promises and be firm when you say no and when you punish them. Don't ever do it half heartedly. Don't let them see your weakness..else they will again manipulate you... these little ones... oh boy..they are real smart. ;)
Again exercise patience and persevere!
For teens... this is the most difficult... you need extreme (infinite at times) patience and determination! Haha... I think children at this stage is the most difficult.. you have to be their 'cool' friend and a parent at the same time... not easy... discipling them... at times it is almost r impossible... but remember.. be a role model and never contradict yourself or be a hypocrite else they will use it against you big time! Make sure when you carry out any form of punishment.. it is properly explained to them so that they understand it. Never punish them when you are angry. Talk to them about their actions and then give them and yourself some time to think about it before you punish. Kids at this age are extremely rebellious. Ah.... it's just tough but can be done... again...give them a lot of love and assurance.
Hai.... I hope I am able to do all these with Reese... so far so good... never beaten him and never really scolded him before...
So mummies... work on it...PATIENT PATIENT PATIENT.....
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Discipline and doing it right..
I come from a typical Chinese family where occasionally I get spanked (up to 6 years old) or severe scolding (till teens) from my parents and extended family members. Oh...once my aunt who was very sick got so upset with me that she went to the kitchen and took a chopper (no joke) and cornered me, raised it up in front of me and threatened to chop me up if I don't immediately shut up and stop crying! I never forget that... can't remember how old I was..probably around 5?
I guess I was quite lucky as compared to my cousins (maternal). They were lashed with belts, spanked, slapped, verbal abuse and severe scolding. My uncles love their children but I personally felt that their approach in disciplining their kids... may be a little wrong and too much. Even my mom was quite violent at times..haha.. anyway... they all meant well but sometimes.. they are also doing it out of anger (which we kids cannot understand) and that became something very personal.
I sometimes wonder why our ancestors use these methods. I don't know..but my impression is that we Chinese are always using force to discipline the young. I remembered those days when my aunties and my mom would describe the kind of abuse my maternal grandmother used inflict on one of my deceased uncle. Kneel on shells, uses the chopstick to twist his fingers and even using chilies as a mean of punishment...I can't remember whether he was forced to eat it or kneel on it....violent huh? but to me... my grandmother is someone I love dearly...
There are severe consequences when force is used. Children who are discipline with force will end up more unstable emotionally, more defiant, low self esteem, rebellious and probably will use the same method on their children.
Many a time when I go shopping, I will see parents openly scold or spank their children. One thing I hate... slapping a kid on the face! I felt so bad for these kids. How I wish I can educate these parents....not that I am perfect..but at least they should be taught the right way....
I do not believe in beating or verbal abuse as a form of discipline or punishment. It doesn't really work. Even if it does, it's only short term.
I just don't understand how a parent can hit their own flesh and blood... I can't.
Ah....so lazy to continue...next post..will talk about my way of disciplining children..and it works for the last 12 years... even the most difficult children I was able to discipline them in a positive way!
Mummies... I know... you may think that... I am a little bias here..but hey... seriously... even the most terrible kid... there is a better way to get to them! What we need is a lot of patience and determination and most of all.... we need to learn to control our anger.
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